VOICE

2010-11-27T16:11:00.000-08:00

To begin Advent this year I've been thinking about the gospel.

One phrase that keeps repeating itself over and over in my mind came from the mouth of R.C. Sproul; the gospel isn't your personal testimony. With that in mind, this Christmas I am going to look into what it really is.

What is the good news?

Romans 1:1-6 will be my guiding text as I search the scripture for the message of the 'gospel of God'.

"Paul, a servant of Christ Jesus, called to be an apostle, set apart for the gospel of God, which he promised beforehand through his prophets in the holy Scriptures, concerning his Son, who was descended from David according to the flesh and was declared to be the Son of God in power according to the Spirit of holiness by his resurrection from the dead, Jesus Christ our Lord, through whom we have received grace and apostleship to bring about the obedience of faith for the sake of his name among all the nations, including you who are called to belong to Jesus Christ"

2010-11-17T15:57:00.000-08:00

Proverbs 2:6-11
For the LORD gives wisdom;
from his mouth come knowledge and understanding;
he stores up sound wisdom for the upright;
he is a shield to those who walk in integrity,
guarding the paths of justice
and watching over the way of his saints.
Then you will understand righteousness and justice
and equity, every good path;
for wisdom will come into your heart,
and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul;
discretion will watch over you,
understanding will guard you

Taken from the Desiring God Blog

The radical claim of the Bible is that wisdom isn't first a book, or a system, or a set of commands or principles. No, wisdom is a person, and his name is Jesus Christ. When you and I are graced into acceptance with him, we're drawn into a personal relationship with Wisdom, and Wisdom begins a lifelong process of freeing us from the stronghold that the foolishness of sin has on us. We aren't yet completely free, but there will be a day when our every thought, desire, choice, action, and word will be fundamentally wise!

It makes such sense then, that a repentant man (David) would reflect on his need for wisdom. Sin, in reducing us to fools, causes us to do foolish things, even though we think we're wise. And for this we need more than information, education, and experience. We need exactly what we find in Christ—grace.

Wisdom is the product of grace; there is simply nowhere else it can be found.

2010-11-15T21:18:00.000-08:00

I think I've used this song by U2 before. Again, it is a perfect description of where I am at on this journey.

One Step Closer u2
I'm 'round the corner from anything that's real
I'm across the road from hope
I'm under a bridge in a rip tide
That's taken everything I call my own

One step closer to knowing
Knowing, knowing

I'm on an island at a busy intersection
I can't go forward, I can't turn back
Can't see the future
It's getting away from me
I just watch the tail lights glowing

One step closer to knowing
Knowing, knowing

I'm hanging out to dry
With my old clothes
Finger still red with the prick of an old rose
Well the heart that hurts
Is a heart that beats
Can you hear the drummer slowing?

One step closer to knowing
To knowing, to knowing, to knowing

These words haunt me because I wish I knew what I was closer to knowing.

2010-11-02T19:39:00.000-07:00

Blessed be the name of the Lord
In good and bad times
He gives and takes away
He does what seems good to Him
He is faithful, loving , and gracious
It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the Lord
He sees our sins ever before him
Yet with Jesus standing for us, will remember them no more
We are saved by faith alone
Our God saves
The cross is salvation from sin
The cross spells victory for us
Victory for eternity
Victory now... ?
Does his healing and saving make a difference now?
Marriages struggle and fail
Violence, greed, perversion, cruelty, and indifference
Found even among the called
How can it be?
Sinners we still are; our nature against the Spirit within
Resurrection power
Call out for it
May it be as it should be within my soul
I am dead
We are dead
Resurrection power
Make me alive
May I see victory...
even now

2010-11-01T20:46:00.000-07:00

12 Steps for the Recovering Pharisee (like me)
by John Fischer

2010-10-26T22:15:00.001-07:00

The recovering Pharisee's creed

Or, for those of you who don't speak Christianees

The recovering Judgmental Self-Righteous Person's creed
There's no real way to shorten that.

When I speak of sin, I will no longer talk of it as something in my distant past. When I speak of forgiveness, I will not speak of it as something I received years ago when I became a Christian. I will speak of the sin and forgiveness I experienced today - that I am experiencing right now - that enable me to be human and real and truthful with who I am and who I am becoming. And when conversation turns to talk of sinners, I will realize that the conversation is really about me. I will always know that I am the worst of sinners. I put Jesus on the cross; my sin nailed him there. And if I ever catch myself thinking that there exists, somewhere in the world, a worse sinner than I, regardless of the gravity of the crime, it is at that point that I have stepped over the pharisaical line and am speaking about something of which I know nothing. When it comes to sin, I can only speak of myself with absolute certainty, and in regard to myself and sin, I am certain of this: that I am an expert in both my sin and my forgiveness. One brings me sorrow; the other brings me great joy. The remarkable thing is not that I sin, but that, in spite of my sin, I am capable of having fellowship with God and being used by him for his purposes in the world.
"So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall!" 1 Corinthians 10:12

Taken from;
12 Steps for the Recovering Pharisee (like me)
Finding Grace to Live Unmasked
by John Fischer
pp101-102

2010-10-19T21:39:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling stressed about finding a job; how to go about it; am I working hard enough at it; which direction to go; what is the best plan of action; public or private; coaching or not; and worst of all I feel so much guilt.

I don't get it. I have so much guilt about this whole process. I feel guilty for having gone to school and then not finding a job immediately. I feel guilt for seeking work and still not finding any; I mean am I looking hard enough? I feel like I've abandoned my own beliefs and principles by seeking work in the private and independent sector (I never believed in sending my own kids to private or Christian schools, but that's the only place I can find any work. Not only that - I like the environment at these schools. My whole mind-set has been changed in the past year). Not being able to get hired in the school district in which I graduated makes me feel guilty for some odd reason. I feel like a complete joke because I can not break down the public sector brick wall. And this one really gets to me; I feel guilty for using contacts, dropping names, and saying I'll do things like coaching when I don't even know if I want to or can for that matter. I would love to coach... but I feel guilty that I would love to coach. I feel like this whole thing is just one huge ego trip and I'm going to go no where with it because God is not into my ego.

I've said it. This is my biggest fear and doubt about the journey I've been on for the past two and a half years. I was convinced to pursue my certification was the right thing; I was sure that the LORD was putting me on the path ahead. I can still see what God was doing and recall all the confirmations during my year at school. I can see that the Lord has been our provider; Jehovah Jireh. However, the price I've had to pay has been huge; my whole family has had to pay a price. On my good days I feel confident that God was and is at work in it all and that my family and my marriage show the benefits of the road that we are still on. On an average day I'm frustrated and tired of the continual uncertainty. On a bad day, I fall to the ground in despair and feel that I have been duped by my own arrogance that I could change my situation and pursue a career. It seems as if it is all hubris.

I wanted to get a job and just be anonymous; just be another teacher on the list. I really did. If you know me, this may surprise you. I really don't want the pressure of my reputation from days of old glory or thoughts of who my father was as a teacher or even current notions of my supposed ability to teach. I don't want to have to live up to some legend of who someone has turned me into just so I could get on the coveted teacher-on-call list. I wanted to show up for work without any pressure to be something. What I mean is, I didn't want administrators and other teachers expecting something special because I was on the scene. Now it seems that the only way to get a job is to somehow put out there that I bring something that no one else can; that I can take on that basketball team and make it something no one ever imagined; that I can re-vamp the way Social Studies is taught and change the failure rate among grade ten students; I will bring best practice back to Physical Education; I will help the student who is being left behind because I have that special blend of 'cool' and authority wrapped into one; I am the teenage whisperer.

Whatever.

I just wanted a job I was trained to do, a job that I would enjoy, that had decent hours that fit my still growing family, to get paid a good wage, have access to a benefits package and begin putting in my time for a pension. Yet for some reason I feel as if I'm seeking the glory. The glory of what? I'm just teaching high school Gym and Social Studies. Everybody hates those classes.

It was simply too much to expect. Today is a bad day in the midst of a busy six day work streak that will end abruptly and not be picked up again for possibly a month. I don't want to spend another year being on call. It is mind numbing work that makes you not want to teach. It does have it's bright moments. I should stop complaining.

I am currently being told by two districts that interviews for teacher-on-call positions are imminent and that they are mere formalities to being hired. But have no interview date and have not heard from either district in more than a week. In my job search, I am learning that this is part of the dance. They promise, they talk, and then they drop the ball. I pester and pester and pester some more; and a year has gone by.

I usually end these posts with some words of wisdom from the good Book. I don't feel like it... I'm not at peace nor do I feel that my venting has produced any greater understanding or acceptance of my situation. Yet, here I go; this one was in a card from a friend and it may as well be what I end with.

"May the Lord... give you His peace no matter what happens." 2 Thessalonians 3:16 NLT
(I didn't use the ESV because this translation is exactly how I would say it.)

The above verse is a little more comforting as it asks that God's peace be given to you irregardless of what else happens. It's a softer sentiment than;

"May the LORD do what seems good to him." 2 Samuel 10:12

Whether you gain peace from that or not I suppose doesn't matter. I really am not in a good mood.

2010-09-30T00:00:00.000-07:00

My parents are not perfect.

Well, duh...

I'm sure I knew that a long time ago; and most people know this about their parents through first hand experience. I will say that I have had much grace for my parents mistakes, character flaws, and consistent bad behaviour. Mainly because it is advantageous for me to do so; but also because it is how I show them respect and honour them as scripture says I should. Now that I am a parent, I pray daily that my children will have the grace and forgiveness of Jesus coursing through their veins in order that they still like me once they leave my house. Surprise, surprise... I'm not a perfect parent either.

All things considered, I have good parents. They are both God fearing, Bible thumping, Jesus loving, education pushing, hard noised disciplinarians, that gave us what we needed, protected us from what we didn't, and offered guidance in the way we should go. As myself and my sisters have grown up, they are still parenting in many ways.

However, considering that myself and my sisters are married with children my parents want too much control in our lives. A transition that should have happened a long time ago, has been delayed by the sheer force of their personalities and our own individual failures in cutting the parental ties. The past five years have been a very slow learning curve that I would say I only woke up to just this past year. As I begin to open my eyes, I realize that this transition is actually long overdue. It is sobering for me to say that the idealized vision of what once was a spotless image to me, now seems old and in need of remodeling. That sounds really bad. But its not. I love my parents. They are the reason for who I am in many ways - not just biologically. I am a product of them and I'm not entirely unhappy about that. However, the delay in dealing with leaving the home and my parents lack of letting go has caused some damage that currently seems overwhelming.

The events of the past five years has exposed this central control that needs to be removed. Now here's where I can get myself into some trouble. I'm going to reveal the under belly of the Klassen family. Dear God, don't let lighting strike me dead. My very fear in talking about this is an indication of the control that is present. The need that we as a family have to appear to be without blemish is strong and binding. It's really unhealthy.

I will try to sum up as briefly as I can. My younger sister moved to Indiana for two and a half years and then ended up 'stuck' living with my parents for two and a half years. My oldest sister and her family pulled away from the family unit for a time, becoming more difficult than usual; conveniently taking the role of 'black sheep'. My closeness with my younger sister increased due to distance; which was good for her and I but exasperated the 'black sheep' branding of my older sister and her family. My marriage nearly imploded on itself and my whole family was hit square in the face with the reality of our dysfunction; no hiding anymore. My husband and I are still recovering, healing, and learning as it seems new revelations take us down new paths every month. I'm not sure when we will fully move beyond our past and embrace a new reconciled future. It also seems that my parents have all but blocked out these events that have changed my marriage forever. All these things have come together to create an environment ripe for the need of support and trust in family. Yet, how do you work it all out and still allow for individuals to be individual? How do you respect each person, love each person, and give each person the freedom to be who God called them and still offer your advice? Can that even be done? Have my sisters and I been able to create our own family with our husbands as the head or have we failed; deferring instead to our father? Have our husbands failed to take the lead not knowing where they fit in? Have my parents infused too much of themselves into our family units? Who's responsibility is it to cut the parental ties? Do we blame my parents for being boundary busters or ourselves for not stopping their invasive behaviour? Is all this really that bad - or are our issues mild and normal things that occur between many parents and adult children?

These are big questions; ones that I can not truly answer definitively.

From my perspective, my sisters and I have not left our roles that once played themselves out when we were growing up. My older sister is a pleaser. She has a need to make them happy; which she never seems to achieve. My younger sister is the attacker. She sees their flaws, points them out and then tries to ensure that they see them and change them. What do I do? I ignore as much as possible. I understood early on, that my parents are dominant and that to get along I had to be quiet and appear to be following the party line. For the most part I did; all my objections and rebellion was kept to myself until I felt that they were not over me any longer. Arguing with an immovable object seemed back then and to this day, to be a waste of my time. So too does trying to please that; since I will either become them in pleasing them or go crazy trying. I suppose my own role is part of being in the middle. I want to keep the peace. I want my family to get along and to enjoy the differences that we all bring to the table.

The way these roles play themselves out now is interesting. My older sister went from pleasing to distance; which makes sense since she couldn't please them and her husband gave up trying to. She's back at it again however; even if it is unconsciously. My younger sister while living with my parents slowly broke them down into a shambles and nearly ruined her relationship with them. Her husband says very little and enjoys a position of safety because she will chop anyone's head off if they come after him. I have struggled to find my way with my parents. Sticking with ignoring them and saying little to oppose their views has created a sense that I agree with all they say and that they still exert control on my decisions. This has set my husband on a collision course with my parents, in particular with my Dad.

This is a bad family picture. It is also my dysfunctional point of view that carries it's own unique bias of being a favoured daughter. My sister's I'm sure have a very different view point. I did lay this out to my younger sister and was not given a comment or argument as to it's validity. But it doesn't matter; this is how I am trying to make sense of what is my family.

Truth be told this is all coming to a head because I have recognized that I have continued to seek advice, support, and approval from my parents in ways that were unhealthy; however beneficial this may have been to me in some circumstances. In the same sense that I did that, my parents also have busted down boundaries and shown little respect for my family unit and the head of our home, my husband; on many occasions encouraging me to go against his wishes. My sister's and I have even discussed the issue of their disrespect for our husband's. It is cloaked in secrecy and has never actually been spoken out boldly by either of our parents; but it has become clear to me that it is commonly known among our extended family and their friends.

My question to myself has been how do I address this? My younger sister has attacked; holding true to who she is. I have admired her ability to knock down their force and make way for her own family to rise up. I have also seen it's cruelty to my parents. Her way has revealed their weakness; a desire for us to love and respect them that drives them to want to reconcile all problems. My younger sister's husband has fared much better than my own due to this tactic. He is well protected and feels secure in his place in our family regardless of what he may know of what Mom and Dad think. His wife has his back and he knows it. Now that they are no longer living with Mom and Dad it seems that things have returned to normal and probably a much healthier normal than what came before. There are boundaries and they are not to be crossed; but what a difficult way to get there. My older sister has floundered as much as I have; going back and forth in her alignment with Mom and Dad. Her desire to please them earlier in her marriage exhausted her husband and he withdrew which damaged their overall relationship with Mom and Dad. There is a gap between not only them and Mom and Dad, but between them and all of us. It seems that she is changing how she goes about this and her husband is finding his way back. They are starting to see that Mom and Dad are old and in need of extra understanding for their ways and habits. Their boundaries seem to be distance and the controlled release of information.

What I'm searching for is a way to create my own way of handling this that is as healthy as I can make it. A perfect relationship between myself and my parents considering my family and my husband is not going to happen at this point. I have to accept that the past has consequences and my husband may never trust them. I have to accept that I can't turn to them for advice without exposing my own need to be affirmed by them and also to make a decision that pleases them and fits their understanding of what I should be. My weakness around my parents is actually that even though I ignore much of what they say and do; I actually want to please them and make them proud as much as my older sister does. If my younger sister is truthful with herself, she wants their approval and pride as well. To know that you have made your parents proud of you is universal among children. Yet, I have a different plan for my life than they have for me. I have dreams of how I want things to be that don't match their ideas. For that matter, God has had a plan for me that all along did not come from them. I have often lacked the courage to inject my ideas into the black hole of the Klassen mind set; I think I'm afraid that I would not pass the test. What is the test? Can who I am exist and be fully realized in full view of my parents without folding into their design and ideas? Can I separate my identity from my family of origin?

It's a complex question that has affected all of who I am. I have tried to allow my children to feel as little as possible the power of my personality. I don't want them to find themselves confused; am I my mother/father or am I myself? Does what they want from me and for me define who I am or does God? Maybe I'm still asking myself these questions. I feel so much guilt in hearing that I am like my dad; and yet at times it has made me feel good. I have felt so belittled when compared to my mom; and yet at times it is a compliment beyond compare.

This all seems like a psychological nightmare, the likes of which I will never truly wake up from until I am with the Lord. At this point I would settle for some peace and understanding. I am seeking to create a safe place for my husband to exist within the framework of my family. I am hoping to instill respect and honour in my children for their elders. I hope to find a way to receive a full blessing from my parents and still retain my unique direction in life. Ultimately, I want to seek to please my Heavenly Father. I'm not sure how all this can be accomplished. Someone is going to be disappointed and someone is going to have to find grace for me and my inability to resolve these issues. I must forsake all others for my husband and be worthy of the calling of Jesus by putting nothing above Him. It gives new meaning to Jesus' words:

"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple."
Luke 14:26

2010-09-27T11:37:00.000-07:00

I actually wrote this back in March and never posted it. Very timely.

I was driving today. It gave me a chance to think. I listened to some apologetics and some great music. I listened for a moment to my own thoughts and maybe even allowed the very thoughts of God to invade my own harried thinking. Solitude is rare in my life and must be embraced when available.

I have had a couple of weeks of thinking about the ramifications of truly believing a lie. A lie. That makes it sound like an impossible thing for anyone to do. How could someone believe a lie? Wouldn't there be a point in time when you would realize that you'd been duped? The problem is, most of us at some point in time believe a lie that we ourselves have told our own minds. Circumstances and events lead us to believe things that aren't true. We don't talk about them and continue to make our own assumptions and conclusions which seem to have a logical linear route. We only ask ourselves - Why would I be wrong about this? - when confronted with evidence that doesn't seem to line up with the conclusions we've already made. Oh, but that doesn't stop us; we are so much smarter than that. Our skillful depraved hearts just find a way to connect the dots in just the right direction to continue to keep the lie alive. It's more comfortable to believe what we've already believed for so long.

Yeah, I know how to explain it because I've been there. Don't be so surprised. You have too. It's harder to accept it in someone else though. People believing a lie tend to hurt those around them with their insistence on its truth and the blaming that ensues. I think one way to know that you are believing a lie is that most of what you believe about what is going on is that its not your fault; everyone else is to blame for what is happening and for the circumstances that you are in. It can be very subtle. I'm not saying that it's never someone else's fault; often blame really does belong to someone else. Any time someone is made powerless by the acts and words of someone else, abuse is reigning. There in lies another subtlety. Once the victim no longer allows themselves to be victimized, the abuse will stop. However that looks - a complete end to the relationship or healing - the victim actually has some power to do something about it; but blame has to be diminished, understood, and then refocused. Let me explain... The victim will not do anything about their powerlessness if they continue in blame because they are stuck. It begins with the victim blaming themselves irrationally and placing no blame on the abuser. As the victim realizes that they have some power, blame shifts to the abuser for the abuse. This is when the victim now sees that little piece of power they have to change their situation. If they stay in the blame state (it's my fault/it's their fault) they will stay put; stuck because blame leaves no room for action. I suppose that is a very simplistic explanation, but I think it holds some water.

You can't change anything if it's all someone else's fault and you can't do anything if it's all your fault. Blame is big part of believing a lie; no matter how you slice it.

This all got me to thinking about the past and its affect on today. Is there any sense in saying that something shouldn't have happened; that a decision was wrong? Sure. I can see that when something turned out wrong, or bad, or hurt those around you there needs to be responsibility taken for that. It's hard to move forward if the truth is not faced; if forgiveness is not sought and reconciliation has no place. It is said these days that you do the best you can at the time with what you know; you can not blame yourself for the mistakes you made since you didn't know any better. Is that really true? This is relativism at its best. Could not a murderer, one who steals, or an adulterer just claim ignorance and then all would be OK? Where would be justice and how do the wrongs get made right? This is a lie cloaked in nice sounding words and even those who believe in the sovereignty of God can get caught in thinking this way. Is it not true that an all omnipotent omniscient God takes all that is done in your life and brings forth what he had planned all along? Since I believe that God is totally in control, I can not take responsibility for my past wrongs since now they have been made right. Whoa. Something smells funny.

I guess as I thought about believing a lie, this idea of not dwelling on the past and moving forward - recognizing that you've learned from your past, so you must do better; and what to do with blame when wronged and when you've done wrong - needs to be given clarification and explanation that actually makes sense. I don't think I'm there yet; I'm still not able to put into words what it is that needs to be explained. But I think that God is working in my heart and soul on this as my life unfolds in this in-between place that I find myself in. this chapter is not closed and the past that is affecting my future is still percolating as my future has yet to begin the next phase.

Yeah, I know... it's complicated.

This passage helps me;

2 Corinthians 5:11-6:10
Therefore, knowing the fear of the Lord, we persuade others. But what we are is known to God, and I hope it is known also to your conscience. We are not commending ourselves to you again but giving you cause to boast about us, so that you may be able to answer those who boast about outward appearance and not about what is in the heart. For if we are beside ourselves, it is for God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.

From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

Working together with him, then, we appeal to you not to receive the grace of God in vain. For he says,

"In a favourable time I listened to you,
and in a day of salvation I have helped you."

Behold, now is the favorable time; behold, now is the day of salvation. We put no obstacle in anyone’s way, so that no fault may be found with our ministry, but as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: by great endurance, in afflictions, hardships, calamities, beatings, imprisonments, riots, labors, sleepless nights, hunger; by purity, knowledge, patience, kindness, the Holy Spirit, genuine love; by truthful speech, and the power of God; with the weapons of righteousness for the right hand and for the left; through honor and dishonor, through slander and praise. We are treated as impostors, and yet are true; as unknown, and yet well known; as dying, and behold, we live; as punished, and yet not killed; as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, yet possessing everything.

2010-09-06T14:29:00.000-07:00

I was alone the other day at a Starbucks. As I sat there reading and writing - I'm currently writing down all the great things said in a book about anger - it struck me, no one knows where I am. I had been at a wedding that afternoon and was going to head home in between the ceremony and the reception but I decided not to drive all the way back from Vancouver. So I found a local SB and got the cheapest coffee they have and a sandwich. I had thought far enough in advance to bring my books and Bible so I would have something to do.

I must have been there for forty five minutes before I realized that no one knew where I was. The husband was still at work, the kids were at home thinking I was at a wedding. I wouldn't be meeting the husband until the reception two hours from now. I stopped writing and looked out the window, my pen frozen in my hand; no one knows where you are. I should turn off my cell phone, I thought; but I didn't (I did turn the ringer off). Putting the pen down I focused on the activity outside. The Starbucks was right by a bus stop across the street from the Broadway Skytrain Station. People were coming and going; across the street it appeared that deals were being made as I saw people exchange secret items from hand to hand. The 'patio' outside was only occupied by a lone regal native man (I noticed his earrings and necklace that looked handcrafted) and a couple of other dark ethnic men chatting loudly in the corner. Inside the tables created their own little places of intimacy as groups surrounded them; a couple at one table huddled around a laptop; a group of students discussing and sharing their papers at another; old friends in the corner; and the big comfy chairs occupied by a loud group of men who came and went like it was their office; and me, all dressed up with my book bag and fancy purse. It was a busy spot, lots of people coming in and leaving with their order. How had I missed all the activity when I first came in?

Why was being alone - and no one knowing where I was - so... well, great!? It really was great. The moment wasn't lost on me either; I felt it and its intensity was surprising. For seventeen years I have been a mother. I don't think that since I had my first child that I have been somewhere and not made sure that everyone knew where I was or that I had my kids with me. I was even tempted to call home and let the kids know where I was and that I would be going to the wedding reception at five. I stopped myself from doing it. No one needs to know where you are; you have a cell phone and you are not in danger.

Being truly alone is a gift. It's not about being lonely. I'm not lonely. No one was there to interrupt my thoughts, what I might want to do next was my decision, I could invite someone into my space or I could sit alone. Even in the busy spot I could hear what the Spirit may be saying to me. I could contemplate what Jesus wanted me to get from the book I was looking at, what Jesus was wanting me to do in the coming months ahead. I could watch the people and observe, not judging or missing any of it because of someone else's presence. I went back to my book briefly and then found myself merely staring at the page not really reading or writing anything; looking up out the window and slowly drinking my coffee. There was peace in that busy place because I was alone and no one knew where I was.

I have to do that again.

2010-03-31T12:04:00.000-07:00

The most important things about me are not my successes but my failures. If you knew nothing of who I was except for where I had fallen down and had to get back up, you would know the most about my life, my character, and my relationship with my saviour Jesus Christ.

Problem is that doesn't work on a resume.

More to come later...

2010-03-12T16:52:00.000-08:00

I did something very liturgical today. It is Lenten season and I haven't done much to think through and prepare myself for the Passion week ahead. See, I told you it was something liturgical in nature. Actually, maybe it's better to say that I did something Catholic. Why do I associate anything ritual with Catholicism? Does the reformed faith really have no ritual aspect to it? I think it is in my evangelical roots to see ritual as bad and that it gets in the way of relationship with Jesus. However, my life without the rituals would be without discipline in reading the Word and in prayer. hmmm ... Anyway...

I went to Our Lady of Mercy Parish to view the Man of the Shroud exhibit. I had been to the website and read some of the material, and I spoke with a teacher at STMC regarding the nature of the exhibit, yet I still wasn't sure what I would encounter. I went out of curiosity; as a student of history; as a religious investigator per se; as a protestant nay sayer; and as a woman of faith dipping her foot in the pool of mystery that surrounds the world of religious artifacts.

A brief description of the shroud;
The Shroud is an old bloodstained, dirty piece of linen cloth containing life-sized front and back images of a naked man who appears to have been crucified. In a climate of superstition, naiveté and disorder (for historical reasons that I will not go into here), a lucrative market in false relics flourished in Medieval Europe. Our knowledge of this history rightly conditions us to be suspicious of any medieval relic. New evidence however has put the Shroud back into the limelight, with the possibility of its authenticity. New Evidence includes; textile analysis that shows it is from first century Israel; pollen and floral imprints which show that it was in the environs of Jerusalem; chemical analysis that shows it was in physical contact with Jerusalem's limestone caves; portraits of Jesus on coins in the Byzantine Empire which suggest that they were derived from the face of the Shroud; links to a clothe in Spain that was said to be wrapped around the same head as the Shroud; blood stains proven to be human blood; forensic analysis of the body image is consistent with the markings of flogging, in a state of rigor mortis, and shows no decomposition.

My personal experience;
I went through the whole display; reading each display board slowly; the history, the art, the pathology, the iconography of it all encircling me as a walked and read. The church was quiet with the music of monks playing softly yet seemingly surrounding me as I was not able to tell where it was coming from (bear with me... I know they must have surround sound - I'm trying to create a feeling here). There were three stops that intrigued me the most. The first was the pathological explanation of the crucifixion that the shroud gives evidence too. Some of the description and understanding we currently have today actually comes from investigation into this piece of clothe that shows the wounds, the blood and the imprint of the crown of thorns. I had no idea what we believe to be true comes from this artifact so hotly debated. I stood and read about how Jesus died and began to weep. This is imagery I don't ever conjure up. My head was spinning and I became self conscience of my surroundings, and so began to hold back my tears.

The second was the actual life size photograph of the shroud itself. It hung ominously from the high ceiling at the front of the church. With the crucifix behind it and the music playing, I was emotionally moved; frozen still staring at it. I stood there gazing at it for a long time. Others in the exhibit passed me by. I kept asking myself; what is this thing? Could it really be the clothe that wrapped Jesus at his death? Why would God allow this to be found? Are not some people worshipping this artifact and not Jesus? It reminds me of the bones of Moses never being found; and for good reason. This great leader of Israel was not to be revered over the coming Messiah. His bones may have been used to cause many to stumble over a worship of him. Is not this shroud the same thing? Something that merely distracts from seeing Jesus the Messiah? I don't know what to think. It sure looks real. The evidence seems sound. If not Jesus, it certainly was a man crucified, with a spear wound in his side, and wounds on the crown of his head.

The third aspect of the exhibit that has stayed with me is the evidence that the shroud provides for the resurrection of Jesus. This is the single most important event to the believer in Jesus. As Paul says in 1 Corinthian 15:12-19
Now if Christ is proclaimed as raised from the dead, how can some of you say that there is no resurrection of the dead? ¹³But if there is no resurrection of the dead, then not even Christ has been raised. ¹⁴And if Christ has not been raised, then our preaching is in vain and your faith is in vain. ¹⁵We are even found to be misrepresenting God, because we testified about God that he raised Christ, whom he did not raise if it is true that the dead are not raised. ¹⁶For if the dead are not raised, not even Christ has been raised. ¹⁷And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile and you are still in your sins. ¹⁸Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ have perished. ¹⁹If in Christ we have hope in this life only, we are of all people most to be pitied.

My belief hinges on the resurrection. The evidence laid out before me was fascinating and again left me filled with emotions and tears welled up in my eyes. Scientific evidence shows that the body of whoever was wrapped in this cloth did not decay as most buried bodies do in their burial clothes. Evidence of radiation, intense light or heat has been found in testing. The images are composed of microscopic lengths of oxidized and dehydrated fibres that are part of the thread of the cloth. These darkened strands of cellulous fibre are called pixels because they form the Shroud image in much the same way that an image is formed on a computer screen or a half- tone printed photograph. No known artistic technique or any known natural process could have produced these microscopic pixels. What does this all suggest? The resurrection is real? I never needed any further evidence than scripture and the Holy Spirit revealing it to be true. Yet I read account after account that as men studied this piece of cloth, their doubt was removed and they believed in the resurrected Jesus Christ. This dirty old piece of clothe was bringing people to the Messiah!? I couldn't believe it.

I still can't believe it. What I've learned is to take away the mystery, the miraculous, is to make Christianity a simple humanitarian way of thinking and living. We will completely lose our spirituality if we don't believe in the God of creation who performs miracles; the God who makes something out of nothing; and because of his holiness and our sinfulness, came and died for us to bring us into relationship with him; and then rose from the dead to conquer its power and to give us eternal life. Whatever the Shroud is - fake or authentic - I believe in the resurrected Jesus and the mystery of his life in me.

Some indeed preach Christ from envy and rivalry, but others from good will. ¹⁶The latter do it out of love, knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel. ¹⁷The former proclaim Christ out of rivalry, not sincerely but thinking to afflict me in my imprisonment. ¹⁸What then? Only that in every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is proclaimed, and in that I rejoice.
Philippians 1:15-18

2010-01-27T14:20:00.000-08:00

Hope. The single most influential element in achieving happiness.
Hope. The primary force that drives human beings from hour to hour.
Ted Dekker

I have been trying to put into words what hope means to me for four days already. I just can't do it. It may be because I am currently very close to hopelessness. Or maybe I'm just tired. In an effort to get something up so that I stop obsessing about getting this up; I'm going to post the verses that make me think about the hope to which I am called that is unlike any other hope we experience as human beings.

For this reason, because I have heard of your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love toward all the saints, ¹⁶I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers, ¹⁷that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, ¹⁸ having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, ¹⁹and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might ²⁰that he worked in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly places, ²¹ far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come. ²²And he put all things under his feet and gave him as head over all things to the church, ²³ which is his body, the fullness of him who fill all in all.
Ephesians 1:15-23

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. ²Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. ³More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, ⁴and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, ⁵and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
Romans 5:1-5

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, ⁴to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, ⁵who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. ⁶In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, ⁷so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. ⁸ Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, ⁹obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
1 Peter 1:3-9

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. ¹⁹For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. ²⁰For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope ²¹that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. ²²For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. ²³And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. ²⁴For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? ²⁵But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.
Romans 8:18-25

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.
Romans 15:13

My hope is in what is to come. That has become oddly liberating. Knowing that I won't find true satisfaction or happiness in what is here and now actually allows me to find my way back to joy. I am not disappointed by the fleeting pleasure that good sex, great wine, an incredible hike, bike ride or walk give to me. I am happy that I know they are just a foretaste, an appetizer, of the future pleasures of my life to come in the presence of Jesus. I will admit, that I often look upon the verses above and can not find the joy in that hope. I read Peter telling me to rejoice because for a little while, 'if necessary', I am grieved by trials. If necessary, really is it? When in the midst of hardship and pain, both physical and mental, a little while seems too long and we wonder if there is any necessity in it at all. Then I read Paul talking about a progression, at literal step by step transformation that not only produces hope but makes us more like Christ. And that step by step begins with - you guessed it - suffering. This hope - a hope for eternal life with Christ - is a result of righteousness by faith. Let's say that more plainly; my hope in heaven is given to me as a gift, a good deposit (2 Tim. 1:14), that will carry me to eternity.

It is hope that is keeping me from discouragement. It is hope that is showing me that change is possible and it is real. It is hope that infusing the restoration of relationship in my life. It is hope that is infusing the plans God is giving me to teach the Word again this coming spring. Hope that our physical bodies and our spirits will one day be raised and not lost (John 6) when we are made new at the resurrection.

There are heavenly bodies and earthly bodies, but the glory of the heavenly is of one kind, and the glory of the earthly is of another. ⁴¹There is one glory of the sun, and another glory of the moon, and another glory of the stars; for star differs from star in glory.

⁴² So is it with the resurrection of the dead. What is sown is perishable; what is raised is imperishable. ⁴³It is sown in dishonor; it is raised in glory. It is sown in weakness; it is raised in power. ⁴⁴It is sown a natural body; it is raised a spiritual body. If there is a natural body, there is also a spiritual body. ⁴⁵Thus it is written, "The first man Adam became a living being"; the last Adam became a life-giving spirit. ⁴⁶But it is not the spiritual that is first but the natural, and then the spiritual. ⁴⁷ The first man was from the earth, a man of dust; the second man is from heaven. ⁴⁸As was the man of dust, so also are those who are of the dust, and as is the man of heaven, so also are those who are of heaven. ⁴⁹Just as we have borne the image of the man of dust, we shall also bear the image of the man of heaven.

1 Corinthians 15:40-49

Such a great hope I have! I am thankful that my eyes have been opened by the Father himself, to see that which makes little sense to those that still lack the Holy Spirit's mighty power (1 Corinthians 2:14). I pray that all will see and find this hope.

Well, I think I got it all out... finally.

2010-01-20T19:53:00.000-08:00

So, I painted my daughters bedroom; and despite the knowledge that it is futile meaningless work and just paint on a wall - I feel satisfied and ready to paint some more.

Alone in the house with my paint, I listened to an entire series on "Joy" by my friend R.C. Sproul. Yes, I said he is my friend. I imagine that one day he will be, as we sit in eternity discussing such things as the fruit of the spirit and philosophy. I have many of those kinds of friends; that only eternity will reveal. It is part of my hope of heaven; knowing that I have friends yet to meet and enjoy once this life roles into the next.

I have a bathroom and master bedroom to paint now. I can't lose the momentum. I'll listen to some Ravi or Piper or MacArthur or maybe go back to Sproul. Hopefully I'll be smarter, wiser, and closer to Jesus as well as have a couple of nicer looking rooms.

2010-01-08T09:09:00.000-08:00

December rolled around and I had been working a fair bit, being on call was seemingly not so bad; I had actually made some money. As the last week of school came around, and I still hadn't been called in, I realized that there wasn't going to be a paycheck that month. I was somewhat numb; but it was Christmas and I had decided to get into the spirit. I set-up every last decoration that I had stored away and I even spent a day making cookies. I finished all my shopping early and made sure to go to some key enjoyable Christmas events to soak up the joy of this time of year. Advent went pretty well; our focus this year was on the gifts the wise men brought and their significance. It was a great learning time to see how Jesus was sent as a baby for the soul purpose of dying for us. We changed things up this year and upset the apple cart some what. Our extended family celebration was moved from Christmas Eve to the 27th. Mom and Dad were not overly enthused and the kids were apprehensive about it too; but in the end, it all was actually better than anyone expected.

Behind all this great stuff, I was still covering the deep anxiety and numbness within me. I have no job. This thought, this fact, continues to rattle around in my brain. I loath the days. I wait for the phone call and none comes. I have not worked since November 18, 2009. I am asking to be hired and seeking employment from people that continue to tell me that they have nothing for me. I'm knocking on an immovable door. I am now going to continue to do that at each school district in my area. It is becoming demoralizing and I find myself unable at times to accomplish anything at all within a day.

I go for walks often and for long periods of time. I spend time looking at Facebook pages, I read and I read and I read. Scripture seems to pierce me with truth; but my lethargic heart does not do anything with it. I listen to sermon after sermon on podcast trying to fill my mind with wisdom and knowledge. I sit and watch television with a glass of wine as many nights will allow. I know better, yet I am behaving badly for lack of direction. I do not know what to do. I am restless and fidgety within. I am trying to find mundane things to do like paint my bathroom because the passion for what I want to do - teach - is not given any venue to express itself.

Frustration has set in. I will paint my bathroom, my bedroom and my daughters room because I have nothing better to do. There is nothing wrong with painting; it will actually make my daughter happy and I think my husband will think I am accomplishing something. I will continue to make dinner, do laundry, and clean up around the house. I will sort out my office, the tax papers, clean out my closet, and start to touch up the paint in the rest of the house. These things used to give me a sense of satisfaction but I can't seem to find any use for them. They are temporal futile uses of my time that will not last or have any meaning. It's just paint, clean clothes, food, and busy work. When this is all there is, I feel as if they don't matter.

My kids do matter. I am still doing all that mothering requires; driving to and from, maintaining their schedules, discipline at every turn, the occasional heart to heart, and all of the stuff in between that has more meaning than I know. This is a good thing; this is not temporal stuff. The lives that are developing in my home are worth more than the paint on my walls. Yet, I am learning that I am not a good mother. I have made huge mistakes and most of the bad patterns that my kids have in reaction to me are my own fault. At this time in my life I am watching in amazement at my husband and his ability to deal with all of their attacks. Let me tell you, the kids in this house are on the revolt. I am not letting them negotiate; I am taking them at their word and expecting them to take mine. It has turned everyone upside down. The line is drawn and they keep expecting me to erase it. They've never had so many natural consequences. Although I know this is good for them and for me, it is exhausting and I often can hardly stand it. I have been known, as of late, to lock myself in my room until my husband gets home because I do not have the strength to stand firm on one more thing. Boy, it would be so much easier to have just ignored them until they grew up and left the house. That is what so many of us do. I know I've been guilty of it. I'm not cut out for this mothering job; but God gave me these kids, I wanted these kids, and I will be forever changed because of it.

Finishing my certification was supposed to be my ticket to security. Just as I typed that out, I realize that my security was never going to be found there. I am secure in Christ. I took my family on that journey last year - kicking and screaming. I just wanted there to be a reward, a confirmation that I had heard God tell me to go. I knew it all the way through, but it is fleeting now. My husband had even begun to believe that it was his ticket to a new future; a chance for him to start fresh. We are in this holding pattern. Unable to see what is ahead or even what way we should go. God is silent. Ideas, plans, entire curriculum's come into my mind; I pray about them, I muse over them, I plan them out, I dream about them - and God says 'ask your husband what he thinks.' What he thinks is never what I want it to be. I'm sure that goes both ways.

I had been looking for an escape. I wanted to go on a mission trip to Mexico, but God was not calling me to go and my husband didn't think so either. I could have easily ignored God if He had not told me to ask my husband. Now, I am looking for something to do. This is clouding my ability to discern whether I'm just bored and trying to give my brain something to focus on, or if God wants me to start something.

Jesus said; "My Father is working until now, and I am working." John 5:17 Good to know; better to believe it; and peace is found in trusting it.

So, here I am. Knowing, believing, and trusting. My mind whirling from all that it is thinking - and not doing - and my bank account starving from lack of deposits. It's a good thing I'm going to Seattle for the weekend. I think I'll leave my life at home.

2009-10-05T16:33:00.000-07:00

BLOGGING: Never before have so many people with so little to say said so much to so few.

LOL that is too funny... and too true.

Just a reminder to me that the perils of blogging are narcissistic in nature. My vanity can make me believe that the masses are reading and actually benefiting from my blog. In the past the only thing that has ever come out of my blog is grief - and usually I have hurt people with my words and my desire to be right. I'm not sure why I still post. It is an outlet, yet I'm starting to think that I should just put it aside. I have a desire to write and to share what God is showing me and leading me through. I wonder if there is a better way, one I'm missing because I hang on to this.

Yet now I'm going to click 'publish now'; imagining that it will somehow make this a resolution.

I'll probably post something next week.

2009-10-01T14:23:00.000-07:00

1 Timothy 1:5-14
I was reminded of this passage this morning as a woman of God quoted verse 12 in her southern twang - made me want to get up and say it with her!

I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well. For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord, nor of me his prisoner, but share in suffering for the gospel by the power of God, who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because ofhis own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began, and which now has been manifested through the appearing of our Savior Christ Jesus, who abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel,which is why I suffer as I do. But I am not ashamed, for which I was appointed a preacher and apostle and teacher, for I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that he is able to guard until that Day what has been entrusted to me. Follow the pattern of the sound words that you have heard from me, in the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. By the Holy Spirit who dwells within us, guard the good deposit entrusted to you.

2009-09-29T19:19:00.000-07:00

A story that needs to be told is never filled with everything good. There are sad difficult aspects and often there is tragedy and regret. No one wants to hear about some ones life that was perfect.

Perfect.

I'm not sure we understand what that word really means. Jesus was perfect - never did, said, or thought wrong. Was his life without pain, struggle, loss, and sadness? No; the perfect man dealt with all that perfectly. So, in our lives of imperfection; why do we expect a smooth free ride in life? Add the ridiculousness of our choices, the depravity that lies just beneath our smiling faces, and our lack of consistency in good behaviour, and we make the imperfect life almost unbearable. We do that; there is no one else to blame.

I'm grumbling.

Grumbling makes the time of trial a much worse nightmare. Charles Price said in his sermon 'The bitter water of Marah', that the Christians life is marked by triumph and trial, feast and fight, light and dark. He says the sooner we relent to this fact the less unhappy we will be. So, he says to ask yourself what is God saying to me in this time of testing, trial, fight, or darkness? Maybe the specific answer is elusive or just none of your business. We don't like that. How can God think that something affecting me, my life, my livelihood, my kids, my marriage, my reputation, be none of my business? My pastor, Doug, would ask me - 'How far will your faith take you?' I'm asking myself right now - 'The God you know, the faithful, trustworthy, saviour, loving, full of grace and mercy, and the most powerful Holy God, would He allow anything except what is best for you?'

I already know the answer.

Yet, I don't like the trial, the fight or the darkness. Who does really? After such great triumph to find ourselves once again choked by the cares of the world, worry, and even fear is disheartening. I went back and looked at a study I did a few years back - 'When Godly People do Ungodly Things' - it was then that I took up 2 Corinthians 10:5 which states, "... take every thought captive to obey Christ." All of my trouble right now only feels worse when I'm negative. And let's be truthful; our ungodly behaviour comes from our ungodly thoughts.

Lord, renew my mind (Romans 12:1-3), by the Holy Spirit's power, fill my thoughts with only what is good (Philippians 4:8), and even in this bitter place that I must be, show me how to drink so that it may be sweet to me (Exodus 15:22-27). May you cause me to go to the source of living water, Jesus; who has promised to those who believe, hearts with flowing rivers of living water (John 7:37-38).

I can feel the joy returning to me - well sort-of :)

I usually want to pray for a miracle that would make everything as it should be in just a few days. Maybe part of the point of the trial is to learn to be content in all circumstances. What a miracle that would be.

2009-09-22T20:03:00.001-07:00

I found this in an old book that my grandmother gave to me about a year ago. It just fell out; and how timely as I seek God's will.

In the Bulb There Is a Flower
In the bulb there is a flower; in the seed, an apple tree;
In cocoons, a hidden promise: butterflies will soon be free!
In the cold and snow of winter; there's a spring that waits to be,
Unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see.

There's a song in every silence, seeking word and melody;
There's a dawn in every darkness, bringing hope to you and me.
From the past will come the future; what it holds, a mystery,
Unrevealed until its season something God alone can see.

In our end is our beginning; in our time, infinity;
In our doubt there is believing; in our life, eternity.
In our death, a resurrection; at the last, a victory.
Unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see.

2009-08-18T10:33:00.000-07:00

Quotes that made me smile, made me think and offered encouragement.

God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I'm so far behind that I will never die.
Calvin and Hobbes

Success can go to my head, and will unless I remember that it is God who accomplishes the work, and that he will be able to make out with other means whenever he cuts me down to size.
Charles Haddon Spurgeon

Try not to become a person of success but rather a person of value.
Albert Einstein

The healthiest relationships are those that breathe - that move out and then move back together.
James Dobson

And finally....

Life, liberty, and the pursuit of just about anything you please. Volvo - a car that cannot only help save your life, but help save your soul.
Volvo Ad Campaign - LOL

I have a Volvo wagon for sale if anyone wants to take them up on their offer.

2009-08-09T15:30:00.000-07:00

Thank You...

I was thanked this week for doing one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. My husband and I were both thanked by someone who doesn't even directly benefit from what we did and are doing. We were thanked for God's glory shining in our weakness, in our sin repented, and our reconciliation begun. I've never been thanked for letting my shame be washed in the blood of my savior Jesus Christ.

I am reminded of what James wrote;
"And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."
James 5:15-16

In coming before our brothers and sisters, we opened our lives to the prayer of many righteous. Some things are meant to be told; it is in community that we can become more like Christ.

I think that this 'thank you' is really to the one true living God, creator and sustainer, Father of all, savior of the lost, promised Messiah, ruler and King.

And so I go, into the rest of this journey of reconciliation with great hope and caution to keep up the good fight; ruthlessly trusting Jesus to allow that which seems impossible and against all odds, bring glory only to his glorious name.

"...take care that you are not carried away with the error of lawless people and lose your own stability. But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen."
2 Peter 3:17-18

In Jesus precious name...

2009-07-25T21:57:00.000-07:00

I am so proud of my son tonight. He made a decision to be obedient; he was left alone by his friends as they went on without him; I'm sure he was pressured, but he did not fall; he was more than just obedient to myself and his father, he was obedient to our God. He honored his parents tonight and honored the God he worships.

May the Lord truly bless him as he stands firm.

¹A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches,
and favor is better than silver or gold.
² The rich and the poor meet together;
the LORD is the maker of them all.
³ The prudent sees danger and hides himself,
but the simple go on and suffer for it.
⁴The reward for humility and fear of the LORD
is riches and honor and life.
⁵ Thorns and snares are in the way of the crooked;
whoever guards his soul will keep far from them.
⁶ Train up a child in the way he should go;
even when he is old he will not depart from it.
⁷ The rich rules over the poor,
and the borrower is the slave of the lender.
⁸Whoever sows injustice will reap calamity,
and the rod of his fury will fail.
⁹ Whoever has a bountiful eye will be blessed,
for he shares his bread with the poor.
¹⁰ Drive out a scoffer, and strife will go out,
and quarreling and abuse will cease.
¹¹He who loves purity of heart,
and whose speech is gracious, will have the king as his friend.
¹²The eyes of the LORD keep watch over knowledge,
but he overthrows the words of the traitor.
¹³ The sluggard says, "There is a lion outside!
I shall be killed in the streets!"
¹⁴The mouth of forbidden women is a deep pit;
he with whom the LORD is angry will fall into it.
¹⁵Folly is bound up in the heart of a child,
but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.
¹⁶Whoever oppresses the poor to increase his own wealth,
or gives to the rich, will only come to poverty.
Proverbs 22:1-16

2009-07-13T09:30:00.000-07:00

The whole commandment that I command you today you shall be careful to do, that you may live and multiply, and go in and possess the land that the LORD swore to give to your fathers. And you shall remember the whole way that the LORD your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not. And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD.
Deuteronomy 8:1-3 (emphasis mine)

The journey began forty days ago; I know that it is not over - there is plenty more to change and learn. The transformation has only just begun. Yet, as I praised God for what had come to fruition on Friday (the fortieth day), His still small voice reminded me that it had been forty days - just as he had told me.

My husband has blessed me with his sacrifice. He chose me!

PRAYER
Lord, keep us humble to follow your commands, let us hunger for your word which is food to our souls, and make us know only a life sustained in Jesus.

2009-06-30T14:51:00.000-07:00

The key to my serenity is acceptance. But "acceptance" does not mean that I have to like it, condone it, or even ignore it. What it does mean is I am powerless to do anything about it... and I have to accept that fact.
From the Big Book.
I really don't know how to do this...

I said, "I will guard my ways,
that I may not sin with my tongue;
I will guard my mouth with a muzzle,
so long as the wicked are in my presence."
I was mute and silent;
I held my peace to no avail,
and my distress grew worse.
My heart became hot within me.
As I mused, the fire burned;
then I spoke with my tongue:

"O LORD, make me know my end
and what is the measure of my days;
let me know how fleeting I am!
Behold, you have made my days a few handbreadths,
and my lifetime is as nothing before you.
Surely all mankind stands as a mere breath!
Selah

Surely a man goes about as a shadow!
Surely for nothing they are in turmoil;
man heaps up wealth and does not know who will gather!

"And now, O Lord, for what do I wait?
My hope is in you.

Deliver me from all my transgressions.
Do not make me the scorn of the fool!
I am mute; I do not open my mouth,
for it is you who have done it.
Remove your stroke from me;
I am spent by the hostility of your hand.
When you discipline a man
with rebukes for sin,
you consume like a moth what is dear to him;
surely all mankind is a mere breath!
Selah

"Hear my prayer, O LORD,
and give ear to my cry;
hold not your peace at my tears!
For I am a sojourner with you,
a guest, like all my fathers.
Look away from me, that I may smile again,
before I depart and am no more!"

Psalm 39

2009-06-10T21:07:00.000-07:00

Lead us Lord
by Brian Doerksen

Here we stand
At a crossroads again
Like you said
In time the seasons change

Looking back
We recall the blessing and the pain
But now we turn our hearts toward
What is still to come
We want to dream again

Lead us Lord
Into a life of fruitfulness
Prepare our hearts to risk again
As we trust
Taking simple steps of obedience we know
That you will lead us Lord

Perfect words that speak to this moment along the journey.

2009-05-31T19:36:00.000-07:00

For you shall not go out in haste,
and you shall not go in flight,
for the LORD will go before you,
and the God of Israel will be your rear guard.
Isaiah 52:12

I'm not going to go too fast, but slowing down is hard to do when you feel urgency; yet I will trust the word of the LORD. He is before me and behind me - such incredible comfort.

2009-05-22T13:25:00.001-07:00

When I'm in need of inspiration and hope restored, I always turn to prayer, my bible, and music. I recently created a new "Playlist" on my iPod for 'Down and Slow' music; but I have to say, some of the songs I put in that list have brought me great hope and comfort today. They are honest and sad but sprinkled with hope for better things. Right now I'm listening to "Saved" by Jann Arden; and I think I'll go and push 'repeat'.

Lived a good life
Lived a sweet live
Oh, I've had the sun on my face
I had fallen to my knees and been amazed
I have walked beneath the brilliance of a perfect sky
Oh I am Saved
Saved
Lived a good life
Lived a sweet life
Oh I have a beautiful friend
I am breathless from the mercy of a smile
I am standing on the brink of the most perfect love
Oh I am Saved
Saved
I am Saved I believe
I am not going to be like I was
I have changed I am Saved
I have bitten off the pieces that I did not want
I have torn them into tiny bits of rain
Oh the sun has dried those memories
like I knew it would
Oh I am Saved
I am Saved
I am Saved
Saved
Saved
I am Saved
Oh I am Saved
I have bitten off the pieces that I did not want
I have bitten off the pieces that I did not want
Yes, I have bitten off the pieces that I did not want
Oh, I am
Oh I am Saved
I am Saved

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.
Romans 8:18-25

2009-05-19T16:05:00.000-07:00

Verses that were given to me today.

The LORD by wisdom founded the earth;
by understanding he established the heavens;
by his knowledge the deeps broke open,
and the clouds drop down the dew.

My son, do not lose sight of these—
keep sound wisdom and discretion,
and they will be life for your soul
and adornment for your neck.
Then you will walk on your way securely,
and your foot will not stumble.
If you lie down, you will not be afraid;
when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.
Do not be afraid of sudden terror
or of the ruin of the wicked, when it comes,
for the LORD will be your confidence
and will keep your foot from being caught.
Proverbs 3:19-26

By wisdom a house is built,
and by understanding it is established;
by knowledge the rooms are filled
with all precious and pleasant riches.
Proverbs 24:3-4

... and he will be the stability of your times,
abundance of salvation, wisdom, and knowledge;
the fear of the LORD is Zion’s treasure.
Isaiah 33:8

My people will abide in a peaceful habitation,
in secure dwellings, and in quiet resting places.
Isaiah 32:18

2009-05-13T19:21:00.000-07:00

SAFE TO LAND
Jars of Clay

Getting tired from all this circling
Not much grace left on a broken wing
I feel the wind trying to push me down
It happens every time I get to town

I search for shelter near the mines we swept
I guess forgiveness hasn’t happened yet
There are no words that I can say to you
That turn this careless sky from black to blue
So I’m asking you is it safe? Is it safe to land?
‘Cuz I’m not going far on an empty heart
Is it safe? Is it safe to land? It’s the long fall back to earth is the hardest part

I’m in no weather for apologies
I need your runway lights to burn for me
And if you say that I can come around
I’ll love you right, yea I won’t let you down, I won’t let you down

‘Cuz I’m coming home, if these wheels touch down
I’m coming home I’m waking you up in the middle of the night I’m not giving up
I’m gonna stay ‘til we make it work
We’re not going down even if it gets worse
We’ll work it out. Yeah we’ll work it out.
I need light to guide me in
Oh, Yeah is it safe?

2009-05-13T17:45:00.000-07:00

Open your mouth for the mute,
for the rights of all who are destitute
Open your mouth, judge righteously,
defend the rights of the poor and needy.

An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.
She is like the ships of the merchant;
she brings her food from afar.
She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.
She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
She dresses herself with strength
and makes her arms strong.
She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
She opens her hand to the poor
and reaches out her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
She makes bed coverings for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them;
she delivers sashes to the merchant.
Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
"Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the gates.

Proverbs 31:8-31

Today a friend gave me a CD with a song that was related to my last post and it made me realize that I still have this blog! I ignore it and lately I really don't know why I still have it. It's something that I just can't let go of. So I thought I would post something new...

The above text from Proverbs has been said to be an overwhelming example that the Bible holds as the standard for a Christian woman. Yesterday, when I saw that it was my verse of the day on my biblebgateway gadget, I was overwhelmed in a totally different way. As I thought about what is ahead and what is required of me in my role as wife and mother, I know that I want to do what is praise worthy. It's going to be hard, and it is hard, but I have confidence in the strength that Jesus will give me to earn that praise. Yet I know that once given, I'll turn around and give it back to Jesus - the one who gave me all.

Sometimes the best thing that ever happens to you has a very big rough patch.

2009-03-17T19:36:00.000-07:00

Romans 4:17,18
"... the God in whom he believed, who gives life to the dead and calls into existence the things that do not exist. In hope he believed against hope..."

I believe in a God who makes things are that are not. I am hoping against hope today that His plan is unfolding even though I don't see any signs that is.

Going, not knowing, we are continuing to go on our journey in another direction. I just wish we knew exactly what direction that was.

Well, life is never boring.

2009-01-24T17:23:00.000-08:00

“For God is my witness, whom I serve with my spirit in the gospel of his Son, that without ceasing I mention you always in my prayers, asking that somehow by God’s will I may now at last succeed in coming to you. For I long to see you, that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to strengthen you— that is, that we may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith, both yours and mine.”
Romans 1:9-12

I just wanted to remind you - that being a part of a Bible study, care group, or prayer group is the best thing in the world.

2009-01-08T18:59:00.000-08:00

Verses that are getting some re-run action in my brain.

Ephesians 5:15-16
"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil."

Deuteronomy 1:6,7
"The LORD our God said to us..., 'You have stayed long enough at this mountain. Turn and take your journey..."

Romans 12:14-21
"Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord." To the contrary, "if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

2 Peter 1:2-8
"May grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.
His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire. For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins. "

James 4:7-10
"Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you."

Psalm 40:5
You have multiplied, O LORD my God,
your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us;
none can compare with you!
I will proclaim and tell of them,
yet they are more than can be told.

2008-12-22T11:37:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas to all my readers!

And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.

And from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.
John 1:14,16

May Jesus bless you with his presence this time of year and always.

2008-12-22T11:32:00.000-08:00

Obedient Son, Ultimate Purifier, All Providing Bridegroom
John Piper

A Perfect Groom

John 2:9-10 shows that the groom was finally responsible for the wine at his wedding. Which means it was his shortcoming that let the wedding run out of wine. Verse 9: “When the master of the feast [not the groom but the head waiter] tasted the water now become wine, and did not know where it came from (though the servants who had drawn the water knew), the master of the feast called the bridegroom [now you see who is really in charge of the wine] and said to him, ‘Everyone serves the good wine first, and when people have drunk freely, then the poor wine. But you have kept the good wine until now.’”

And of course, the point is: No, he didn’t. He let the wine run out. That’s the way it is with grooms on this earth. All husbands fail to be all that we ought to be. But quietly, omnipotently, Jesus plays the role of the perfect, all-providing Bridegroom. Out of water comes wine—better than any husband could provide.

So the third way that Jesus manifested his glory at this wedding was that he showed himself to be the all-providing Bridegroom for his bride, the great assembly of all those who trust in him.

2008-12-12T09:30:00.000-08:00

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.
Colossians 3:12-14

Perfect harmony comes at a high price. Forgivness, patience, compassion, kindness, humility - well, the list is right in these verses. We are to 'put it on', because we are chosen, holy, and beloved. Seems like it would be sufficient motivation. We are to live up to the character which has been imputed upon us by the new birth. Being washed in the blood of Christ, our new nature should reflect Christ. But we still have to 'put it on'.

I liked how John Piper put it...

"A Christian is not a person who experiences no bad desires. A Christian is a person who is at war with those desires by the power of the Spirit. Conflict in your soul is not all bad. Even though we long for the day when our flesh will be utterly defunct and only pure and loving desires will fill our hearts, yet there is something worse than the war within between flesh and Spirit—namely, no war within because the flesh controls the citadel and all the outposts. Praise God for the war within! Serenity in sin is death. The Spirit has landed to do battle with the flesh. So take heart if your soul feels like a battlefield at times. The sign of whether you are indwelt by the Spirit is not that you have no bad desires, but that you are at war with them! "

This battle within should produce amoung the people of God perfect harmony as we submit to the Spirit. Here comes that lovely word again - obedience. If we 'put on' the behaviours that the Spirit manifests in us we are being obedient to the voice of Jesus.

Should we use our willpower to obey? Yes. Mightily. "Work out your salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure" (Philippians 2:12-13).

2008-12-06T13:33:00.000-08:00

1 Thessalonians 5:2-4
For you yourselves are fully aware that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night. While people are saying, "There is peace and security," then sudden destruction will come upon them as labor pains come upon a pregnant woman, and they will not escape. But you are not in darkness, brothers, for that day to surprise you like a thief.

That last bit of the text makes me think; is it a sign that you are walking in the light, if the 'labor pains' and other pointers of Jesus' return are of no surprise to you? Jesus expects us to be prepared, to be ready; he commands us to be ready. Because if we're not, he won't wait any longer (Matthew 25:1-13).

Interesting...

2008-12-01T16:49:00.000-08:00

In my care group and in Sunday School, we are constantly reminded to consider the context of the scripture portion in which we are reading. Our teacher is pretty passionate about Biblical literacy. The reminders have got me thinking...

My sister (Julie) is in ladies Bible study on Thursdays, they were looking at the very same passage which our Sunday School was to memorize last week.

Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do; forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 3:13-14

Julie said that her teacher said something interesting about the context of this verse; context? ... my ears perked up. Consider what precedes these verses.

For we are the circumcision, who worship by the Spirit of God and glory in Christ Jesus and put no confidence in the flesh— though I myself have reason for confidence in the flesh also. If anyone else thinks he has reason for confidence in the flesh, I have more: circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; as to the law, a Pharisee; as to zeal, a persecutor of the church; as to righteousness under the law, blameless. But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.
Philippians 3:3-11

Paul is boasting in his accomplishments and knows that we too boast about how great we are. But look what he says; your heritage of faith, your good job parenting, your learned ways from Bible school, your degree, your incredible good looks, your great family, your good works for charity or for your family - Paul says put no confidence in any of that. Instead we are to forget them and focus on Jesus. We are to count all of that as a loss; even more so if it interferes with you knowing Christ Jesus. We have no righteousness of our own, but only that which comes from God through faith. Paul seeks to share in Christ's suffering in order that he may attain the ressurrection from the dead.

Are we seeking suffering? Do we value our relationship with Jesus this much?

We are to be humble as we seek after the 'goal for the prize', remembering that we have not attained it yet. And this is our motivation - the lack of achieving it should make us press on toward the goal. It seems all so backwards.

Julie said that in her Bible study, the teacher pointed out that so often when we read Philippians 3:13-14, we are thinking that Paul is telling us to forget the bad stuff in the past and press on toward all the 'blessings' that are ahead. The context does not reveal that at all. Not only that, our distorted view of what a 'blessing' is needs to change in the church of the Western world. In Philippians 3, Paul is essentially saying that it's a blessing to suffer for Christ as it will attain for him Christ likeness.

Should we not consider his words in our own lives?

Context; it changes everything.

2008-11-18T11:32:00.000-08:00

Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:13-14

Dear Heavenly Father,
Help me to make this true in what I do and in my attitude.
In Jesus name,
Amen.

2008-11-16T17:41:00.000-08:00

Driving to work or teacher training, I'm usually listening to R.C. Sproul, Ravi Zacharius, or John Piper preach at me through my iPod. I had to teach two blocks the other morning for my first observation and wanted to keep my lesson in my head; so instead I listened to some music, quietly playing so I could go over my lesson out loud in the car. I must be quite the site for those who drive next to me.

Anyhow, Ode to a Friend by Jann Arden just happened to come on in the shuffle. I just started to weep; I couldn't stop. There are only a few songs out there that will remind me of Sandra, this is one of them. I said these very words to her in my heart and hopefully somewhere in there I said them out loud to her. She is with Jesus and I envy that. I don't wish her back here; except I do. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense... it will be a sweet pleasure of heaven to see her again.

Here's the lyrics with my own words thrown in. I wish I new how to embed the song onto my blog.

I don't mind if you stay longer
It was never long enough
You have not been any trouble
She brought out the server in me
I don't want you to go home yet
I don't want you to go to your eternal home yet
can you stay just stay ten more minutes
can you stay just stay ten more years...

You are my best friend
Always
I don't know how I'd live
I don't know how I'm living sometimes
How I love you
every square inch
Love your brown eyes
your forgiveness
yeah...

Don't go home now
Don't take her yet Lord...
It's past midnight
Our greatest chats were just past midnight
You can sleep here
we'll have breakfast
Yes
I woke her up trembling one morning... will she get up?

You are my greatest gift
A gift from Jesus to all who knew her
I don't know how I'd live
I'm living and so is she...
You are my saving grace
You are by heart my true friend
Sisters joined not by blood but by the Spirit

Steve Bell has a song that washed over me, reminding me of worshiping alongside Sandra when she was here with us. Once at one of our yearly weekend retreats, we built an altar from the rocks by the river. It was really more a pile of rocks, but we tried. We built it to mark our time together in prayer and to leave something solid as a reminder and in honour of God's faithfulness to us. I heard Here by the Water on the sample CD that the church gave out before his concert and cried. At the concert, he sang the song and for some reason it surprised me; I had forgotten about it. So, there I sat; tears streaming down my face, loving the song. Sandra would love to sing it in praise to our God. Maybe we will someday...

Soft field of clover
Moon shining over the valley
Joining the song of the river
To the great giver of the great good
(the good news - the gospel!)

As it unfolds me
Somehow it holds me together
And I realize I've been singing
Still it comes ringing clearer than clear

Here by the water
I'll build an altar to praise Him
Out of the stones that I found here
And I'll set them down here,
Rough as they are

Knowing you can make them holy
Knowing you can make them holy
Knowing you can make them holy...

There's more to the song, but this is the part I like; Sandra would too.

2008-11-09T20:45:00.000-08:00

Behold, now is the favorable time; behold, now is the day of salvation. We put no obstacle in anyone’s way, so that no fault may be found with our ministry, but as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: by great endurance, in afflictions, hardships, calamities, beatings, imprisonments, riots, labors, sleepless nights, hunger; by purity, knowledge, patience, kindness, the Holy Spirit, genuine love; by truthful speech, and the power of God; with the weapons of righteousness for the right hand and for the left; through honor and dishonor, through slander and praise. We are treated as impostors, and yet are true; as unknown, and yet well known; as dying, and behold, we live; as punished, and yet not killed; as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, yet possessing everything.
2 Corinthians 6:2b-10

sorrowful yet always rejoicing... so may it be with us.

2008-10-26T17:26:00.000-07:00

I have blotted out your transgressions like a cloud
and your sins like mist;
return to me, for I have redeemed you.

Sing, O heavens, for the LORD has done it;
shout, O depths of the earth;
break forth into singing, O mountains,
O forest, and every tree in it!
For the LORD has redeemed Jacob,
and will be glorified in Israel.
Isaiah 44:22-23

I love the extention of this promise to Israel to the ends of the earth, in chapter 45. Jesus blotted out our sin once and for all!

"Turn to me and be saved,
all the ends of the earth!
For I am God, and there is no other.
By myself I have sworn;
from my mouth has gone out in righteousness
a word that shall not return:
'To me every knee shall bow,
every tongue shall swear allegiance.'
Isaiah 45:22-23

2008-10-25T11:59:00.000-07:00

Put me in remembrance; let us argue together;
set forth your case, that you may be proved right.
Isaiah 43:26

Against an almighty God, do we have any valid arguments?

2008-10-25T11:44:00.000-07:00

He came as a witness, to bear witness about the light, that all might believe through him. He was not the light, but came to bear witness about the light.

"What do you say about yourself?" He said, "I am the voice of one crying out in the wilderness, 'Make straight the way of the Lord,' as the prophet Isaiah said."
John 1:7, 8, 22, 23

"He must increase, but I must decrease."
John 3:30

Oh, that I would be witness such as the man called John sent by God.

Dear Heavenly Father, may I not be so consumed with the things of this earth - worries about money, clothes, education and time - that I fail to see what you see. May I be the voice of one calling in the widerness of this place, pointing people to the Lamb of God, our saviour Jesus Christ. Remind me daily of your faithfulness and forgive me for my insolence. Restore my hope and renew my strength.
In Jesus name, Amen.

2008-10-22T13:29:00.000-07:00

Since we are to...
Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

So then even in times of trouble, depression, and fear, we must give thanks; as part of our spiritual act of worship.

"The one who offers thanksgiving as his sacrifice glorifies me;
to one who orders his way rightly
I will show the salvation of God!"
Psalm 50:23

2008-10-11T15:17:00.000-07:00

Thanksgiving...

Oh give thanks to the LORD; call upon his name;
make known his deeds among the peoples!
2Sing to him, sing praises to him;
tell of all his wondrous works!
3Glory in his holy name;
let the hearts of those who seek the LORD rejoice!
4Seek the LORD and his strength;
seek his presence continually!
5Remember the wondrous works that he has done,
his miracles, and the judgments he uttered,
6O offspring of Abraham, his servant,
children of Jacob, his chosen ones!
7He is the LORD our God;
his judgments are in all the earth.
Psalm 105

Vindicate me, O God, and defend my cause
against an ungodly people,
from the deceitful and unjust man
deliver me!
2For you are the God in whom I take refuge;
why have you rejected me?
Why do I go about mourning
because of the oppression of the enemy?
3 Send out your light and your truth;
let them lead me;
let them bring me to your holy hill
and to your dwelling!
4Then I will go to the altar of God,
to God my exceeding joy,
and I will praise you with the lyre,
O God, my God.

5 Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.
Psalm 43

2008-10-11T13:56:00.000-07:00

Lost!
Coldplay

Just because I’m losing
Doesn’t mean I’m lost
Doesn’t mean I’ll stop
Doesn’t mean I won't cross

Just because I’m hurting
Doesn’t mean I’m hurt
Doesn’t mean I didn’t get
What I deserved
No better and no worse

I just got lost
Every river that I tried to cross
Every door I ever tried was locked
Ohhh, and I’m…
Just waiting ’til the shine wears off

You might be a big fish
In a little pond
Doesn’t mean you’ve won
‘Cause along may come
A bigger one

And you’ll be lost
Every river that you tried to cross
Every gun you ever held went off
Ohhh, and I’m…
Just waiting until the firing stopped
Ohhh, and I’m…
Just waiting ’til the shine wears off

Ohhh, and I…
Just waiting ’til the shine wears off
Ohhh, and I..
Just waiting ’til the shine wears off

4The weak you have not strengthened, the sick you have not healed, the injured you have not bound up, the strayed you have not brought back, the lost you have not sought, and with force and harshness you have ruled them. 5 So they were scattered, because there was no shepherd, and they became food for all the wild beasts. 6My sheep were scattered; they wandered over all the mountains and on every high hill. My sheep were scattered over all the face of the earth, with none to search or seek for them.
7"Therefore, you shepherds, hear the word of the LORD:
10Thus says the Lord GOD, Behold, I am against the shepherds, and I will require my sheep at their hand and put a stop to their feeding the sheep. No longer shall the shepherds feed themselves. I will rescue my sheep from their mouths, that they may not be food for them.
"For thus says the Lord GOD: Behold, I, I myself will search for my sheep and will seek them out. 12As a shepherd seeks out his flock when he is among his sheep that have been scattered, so will I seek out my sheep, and I will rescue them from all places where they have been scattered on a day of clouds and thick darkness.
I myself will be the shepherd of my sheep, and I myself will make them lie down, declares the Lord GOD. 16 I will seek the lost, and I will bring back the strayed, and I will bind up the injured, and I will strengthen the weak, and the fat and the strong I will destroy. I will feed them in justice.
Ezekial 34 (ESV)

7So Jesus again said to them, "Truly, truly, I say to you, I am the door of the sheep. 8All who came before me are thieves and robbers, but the sheep did not listen to them. 9I am the door. If anyone enters by me, he will be saved and will go in and out and find pasture. 10The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. 11 I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. 12He who is a hired hand and not a shepherd, who does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and flees, and the wolf snatches them and scatters them. 13He flees because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep. 14 I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, 15 just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep. 16And I have other sheep that are not of this fold. I must bring them also, and they will listen to my voice. So there will be one flock, one shepherd.
For this reason the Father loves me, because I lay down my life that I may take it up again. 18 No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down, and I have authority to take it up again. This charge I have received from my Father."
John 10 (ESV)

Are you losing or are you lost?

2008-09-07T19:12:00.000-07:00

New Beginnings

September always seems like the beginning of a new year for me and I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels that way.

Fresh and new is such a great feeling; but change can also bring anxiety and stress. I need to spend extra time in prayer and studying the word to ensure that my eyes are open to what Jesus has in store in the midst of all that is going on. I want to see with His eyes so that my worry disappears. I need to be filled with the Holy Spirit so that I can walk in His strength.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:4-7

Jesus says;
"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."
"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."
Matthew 6:25-34

For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.
Romans 14:17

Jesus also says;
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."
John 14:27

"Strengthen the weak hands,
and make firm the feeble knees.
Say to those who have an anxious heart,
"Be strong; fear not!
Behold, your God
will come with vengeance,
with the recompense of God.
He will come and save you."
Isaiah 35:3-4

Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed.
Hebrews 12:12-13

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.
Romans 5:1-6

2008-08-12T07:48:00.000-07:00

I misplaced my Bible. I have others here at home, but the one I'm missing is my only ESV translation and has all my recent meanderings marked. It is lovingly autographed by my friend Sandra who gave it to me. I went nuts yesturday looking for it. I think I left it in the pew at church... but this thought didn't come to me until 11pm.

"Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly..." Colossians 3:16. It's in me, I just want it back in my hands.

A Psalm for this time and season...

The LORD Is My Light and My Salvation
Of David.
The LORD is my light and my salvation;
whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life;
of whom shall I be afraid?
When evildoers assail me
to eat up my flesh,
my adversaries and foes,
it is they who stumble and fall.

Though an army encamp against me,
my heart shall not fear;
though war arise against me,
yet I will be confident.

One thing have I asked of the LORD,
that will I seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to inquire in his temple.

For he will hide me in his shelter
in the day of trouble;
he will conceal me under the cover of his tent;
he will lift me high upon a rock.

And now my head shall be lifted up
above my enemies all around me,
and I will offer in his tent
sacrifices with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make melody to the LORD.

Hear, O LORD, when I cry aloud;
be gracious to me and answer me!
You have said, "Seek my face."My heart says to you,
"Your face, LORD, do I seek."

Hide not your face from me.
Turn not your servant away in anger,
O you who have been my help.
Cast me not off; forsake me not,
O God of my salvation!
For my father and my mother have forsaken me,
but the LORD will take me in.

Teach me your way, O LORD,
and lead me on a level path
because of my enemies.
Give me not up to the will of my adversaries;
for false witnesses have risen against me,
and they breathe out violence.

I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living!
Wait for the LORD;
be strong, and let your heart take courage;
wait for the LORD!
Psalm 27

2008-07-29T09:29:00.000-07:00

"If you are following Jesus, if you've committed your life to the Lord Jesus Christ, he may discipline you - with a purpose - but he is not punishing you.

The follower of Jesus does not have a burden of guilt wondering 'What did I do wrong?' There is no karma in the Christian life. What goes around doesn't come around to me; it comes around to the cross and stops there. If I confess my sin and forsake my sin, it stops at the cross.

It doesn't mean I never have trouble it means I never have punishment."

Ted Klassen "Hope When It's Hopeless" Culloden Church 2008

Habakkuk 3:17-19
Though the fig tree should not blossom,
nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
and there be no herd in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
God, the Lord, is my strength;
he makes my feet like the deer’s;
he makes me tread on my high places.

2008-07-23T10:21:00.000-07:00

"If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!"
Matthew 7:11 (ESV)

"If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"
Luke 11:13 (ESV)

... how much more... what a thing our Saviour said to us.

Ask and see how much more. I'm going to.

2008-07-03T12:22:00.000-07:00

NANCY HECHE
the truth comes out
The Story of My Hearts Transformation
Read it!!

Nancy's story has something for everyone.

Blessing - from the book...

" That's me. That's me when I'm stuck in self pity and frustration I can see only the sting of the moment. I can't stand back far enough to get God's perspective,... I'm right in the middle of it, feeling hopeless and angry, not a plan in sight. " pp.132,133

" ... I know that He works together all of the things of my life to make me more like Jesus (Romans 8:28)...
It's not just that God waves a magic wand over my troubles and abracadabra! it's all better. It's God and Nancy working together. He does His work - holding, illuminating, guiding - and I do my work - praying, reading His Word, obeying - and I grow and heal and learn to wait and be patient, and then I become more like Jesus. " pp. 134

" It's not fair! Not fair? Leif Enger in his beautiful book Peace Like a River, writes, 'Fair is whatever God wants to do.'
" I cried and yelled and screamed at God and told Him I would not do this. Period. I would not do this. This is more than I can bear. Don't You get it? THIS IS MORE THAN I CAN BEAR.
Is this what I was being prepared for when I sang those songs and prayed those prayers about the fellowhip of Christ's sufferings? Did you take me at my word, really? I didn't mean it to happen this way... why me? " pp. 135

Acts 3:26
God, having raised up his servant, sent him to you first, to bless you by turning every one of you from your wickedness.

Read that verse again.

" God sent Jesus to bless me, and that blessing turned me from my wicked ways! I wondered if I had ever read that verse before. God's blessing is what turns me from my ways to His way. "

... I thought in my 'Christian' lingo, that blessing [her] would be the same as agreeing with [her]. I didn't agree with [her] position, but I loved [her] and longed to have a relationship with [her]. It was so hard. Most of the time I didn't know what to do or say.
... I confessed my hard heart and I blessed [her], and I blessed [her] friends. "
pp 138 ( []brackets mine)

" I believe that the Bible is a book of what God is doing, what is happening, not just what God did, or what happened hundreds of years ago. God did not speak in Bible times and then go mute! He is speaking things into existence all the time. "

" I learn what to expect today by reading what God did yesterday. It's very scientific, actually. If a scientist performs an experiment over and over and gets the same result each time, she can expect that the same things can and will happen each and every other time. "

" I got out my Greek lexicon to study the word 'blessing'. Here's what I read: to bless is to ask God to interfere, to take action in one's life, to bring them to the desired relationship with Himself so that they are truly blessed and fully satisfied. "

" To bless is to ask God to interfere, to take action in one's life, to bring them to the desired relationship with Himself. . . Do you get how powerful that is?
... blessing releases God's power to change the character and destiny of the one being blessed. WOW! "

" I wanted us to learn to bless each other,... with a knowing, informed, passionate, intentional "BLESS YOU!" We committed to blessing those who annoyed us in traffic, collegues who frustrated us at work, friends and family who hurt us at home. "

" God bless you. God bless me. " pp. 139,140

Seriously, read the book!

2008-06-07T15:22:00.000-07:00

In Psalm 42 "...the psalmist preaches to his own soul. Verse 5: “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.” O how crucial this is in the fight of faith. We must learn to preach the truth to ourselves. Listen to Lloyd-Jones take hold of this verse:

Have you realized that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself? Take those thoughts that come to you the moment you wake up in the morning. You have not originated them but they are talking to you, they bring back the problems of yesterday, etc. Somebody is talking. Who is talking to you? Your self is talking to you. Now this man’s treatment [in Psalm 42] was this: instead of allowing this self to talk to him, he starts talking to himself. “Why art thou cast down, O my soul?” he asks. His soul had been depressing him, crushing him. So he stands up and says,: “Self, listen for moment, I will speak to you.” (Spiritual Depression, 20-21)

On this side of the cross, we know the greatest ground for our hope: Jesus Christ crucified for our sins and triumphant over death. So the main thing we must learn is to preach the gospel to ourselves:

Listen, self: If God is for you, who can be against you? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for you, how will he not also with him graciously give you all things? Who shall bring any charge against you as God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for you. Who shall separate you from the love of Christ? (Romans 8:31–35 paraphrased)

Learn to preach the gospel to yourself. If this psalmist were living after Christ, that is what he would have done. "

John Piper, June 1, 2008. Spiritual Depression in the Psalms

2008-06-04T15:45:00.000-07:00

A REAL CHRISTIAN IS AN ODD NUMBER, ANYWAY.
HE FEELS SUPREME LOVE FOR ONE WHOM HE HAS NEVER SEEN;
TALKS FAMILIARLY EVERY DAY TO SOMEONE HE CANNOT SEE;
EXPECTS TO GO TO HEAVEN ON THE VIRTUE OF ANOTHER;
EMPTIES HIMSELF IN ORDER TO BE FULL;
ADMITS HE IS WRONG SO HE CAN BE DECLARED RIGHT;
GOES DOWN IN ORDER TO GET UP;
IS STRONGEST WHEN HE IS WEAKEST;
RICHEST WHEN HE IS POOREST AND HAPPIEST WHEN HE FEELS THE WORST.
HE DIES SO HE CAN LIVE; FORSAKES IN ORDER TO HAVE;
GIVES AWAY SO HE CAN KEEP;
SEES THE INVISIBLE;
HEARS THE INAUDIBLE;
AND KNOWS THAT WHICH PASSETH KNOWLEDGE.

A. W. TOZER

2008-05-16T08:10:00.000-07:00

I said in my heart, "Come now, I will test you with pleasure; enjoy yourself." But behold, this also was vanity. I said of laughter, "It is mad," and of pleasure, "What use is it?" I searched with my heart how to cheer my body with wine—my heart still guiding me with wisdom—and how to lay hold on folly, till I might see what was good for the children of man to do under heaven during the few days of their life.
Ecclesiastes 2:1-3

There is nothing better for a person than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil. This also, I saw, is from the hand of God, for apart from him who can eat or who can have enjoyment? For to the one who pleases him God has given wisdom and knowledge and joy, but to the sinner he has given the business of gathering and collecting, only to give to one who pleases God. This also is vanity and a striving after wind.
Ecclesiastes 2:24-26

Whoever loves pleasure will be a poor man; he who loves wine and oil will not be rich.
Proverbs 21:17

... the LORD takes pleasure in those who fear him, in those who hope in his steadfast love.
Psalm 147:11

You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
Psalam 16:11

I'm considering these passages in light of the pursuit of happiness. It is in accordance with God's good pleasure to adopt us as his children through Jesus Christ and to make known to us the mystery of his will (Ephesians 1:5,9). God works in us for his good pleasure (Phillippians 2:13). Jesus promises life "to the full" (John 10:10) and he prays that we would experience the full measure of His joy (John 17:13). We have the fullness of his grace; experiencing one blessing after another (John 1:16).

Life needs to be redefined by these things. Even in light of our troubles. We must recognize that they are momentary and fleeting (2 Corinthians 4:17). I'm not making nothing of your pain, suffering, struggle, sin, or fear. We're merely stuck in a moment; this time is passing. The urgency to understand the grace you are being offered is even more pressing when you consider this.

2008-05-05T18:38:00.000-07:00

If I could for just a moment, let out the breathe that I hold inside.

U2 - One Step Closer
I'm 'round the corner from anything that's real
I'm across the road from hope
I'm under a bridge in a rip tide
That's taken everything I call my own

One step closer to knowing
One step closer to knowing

I'm on an island at a busy intersection
I can't go forward, I can't turn back
Can't see the future
It's getting away from me
I just watch the tail lights glowing

(chorus)
One step closer to knowing
One step closer to knowing
One step closer to knowing
Knowing, knowing

I'm hanging out to dry
With my old clothes
Finger still red with the prick of an old rose
Well the heart that hurts
Is a heart that beats
Can you hear the drummer slowing?
(chorus)

Romans 8:25
But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

James 5:7-8
Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains. You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand.

Psalm 40:1-3
I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.

2008-04-24T15:27:00.000-07:00

Knowing my joy...
"... for the joy of the LORD is your strength." Nehemiah 8:10

I believe it, yet today, I struggle to find it living itself out as I am full of grief.

Sandra... I know she is with Jesus. Satisfied. Full. In her new glorious body. Worshipping. Never lonely again. No longer in pain. No more cancer. Just Jesus, all the time.

I will miss her. It will seem like such a long wait for me, but like nothing to her. I have loved her. She lifted me up. She took care of my fragile heart. I don't know how I will manange, but I will. The same Jesus who she sees face to face will fill me up and place my feet, one in front of the other, every day.

These are two word pictures that Sandra gave me to describe her faith and the transformation of her husband. I wrote this with her two years ago... soak it in.

The River
They feast on the abundance of your house;
you give them drink from your river of delights.
For with you is the fountain of life;
in your light we see light.
Psalm 36:8-9

Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb down the middle of the great street of the city. On each side of the river stood the tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, yielding its fruit every month. And the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations.
Revelation 22:1-2

He believed
He was at one time standing on the shore;
Watching the River rush by;
Watching his wife drink in her God and savoir.
He stepped in to the family of God.
Getting his feet wet at a few church services.
Feeling bolder or maybe seeking more –
Eventually he was knee deep in the River;
Attending bible study, participating in God’s family, absorbing the love and acceptance.
He learned, got answers to questions, and embraced the scriptures as truth;
All the while watching his wife drinking it all in.
He was in the river, but he wasn’t drinking.
Soon, he could barely keep his head above the water;
As the waves of God’s love and Jesus’ power became intoxicating.
Yet, he kept his head up,
Not leaping in to drink in the Spirit.
“What’s holding you back? I know you believe!”
She was the Spirits speaker;
Jesus literally using her, their pastor, and a marriage conference to pour his water over him.
“You can’t stand in this River forever. If you don’t drink, you’ll die of dehydration.” She said.
Walking the ‘Christian’ walk is too difficult, too impossible, without Jesus in you.
His stumbling block; a fear of hypocrisy.
Hypocrisy is not the sinner repenting.
Hypocrisy is the good man claiming righteousness all on his own.
With his one stumbling block all but blown away – the damn of resistance was gone.
The River flooded in,
And he drank.

With joy you will draw water
from the wells of salvation.
Isaiah 12:3

Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, "If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him."
John 7:37-38

The Cup
For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.
2 Corinthians 5:4-5

We don’t come to Jesus clean and polished up.
We bring him our muddied lives.
We are like a cup of black ink.
As Jesus fills you with the living water of the Holy Spirit;
The blackness begins to fade as the ink is saturated with the word, teaching, fellowship songs, worship, and Jesus himself.
Your sins no longer written across a heart of stone in black ink,
But washed away with the Spirit of the living God.
We are continually being filled and transformed into a vessel of pure clear life.
Upon that day, when all the ink is gone, we are in paradise.

You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.
2 Corinthians 3:3

2008-04-14T16:23:00.000-07:00

Broken
I am broken...

I sought relief in the Word.

Your word is a lamp to my feet
and a light to my path.
Psalm 119:105

'I am the LORD, and I will bring you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians, and I will deliver you from slavery to them, and I will redeem you with an outstretched arm and with great acts of judgment. I will take you to be my people, and I will be your God, and you shall know that I am the LORD your God, who has brought you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians. I will bring you into the land that I swore to give to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob. I will give it to you for a possession. I am the LORD.'" Moses spoke thus to the people of Israel, but they did not listen to Moses, because of their broken spirit and harsh slavery.
Exodus 6:6-9

And I will walk among you and will be your God, and you shall be my people. I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, that you should not be their slaves. And I have broken the bars of your yoke and made you walk erect.
Leviticus 26:12-13

"My spirit is broken; my days are extinct;
the graveyard is ready for me.
Surely there are mockers about me,
and my eye dwells on their provocation.
... My days are past; my plans are broken off,
the desires of my heart.
Job 17:1-2, 11

All this has come upon us,
though we have not forgotten you,
and we have not been false to your covenant.
Our heart has not turned back,
nor have our steps departed from your way;
yet you have broken us in the place of jackals
and covered us with the shadow of death.
If we had forgotten the name of our God
or spread out our hands to a foreign god,
would not God discover this?
For he knows the secrets of the heart.
Yet for your sake we are killed all the day long;
we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.

Awake! Why are you sleeping, O Lord?
Rouse yourself! Do not reject us forever!
Why do you hide your face?
Why do you forget our affliction and oppression?
For our soul is bowed down to the dust;
our belly clings to the ground.
Rise up; come to our help!
Redeem us for the sake of your steadfast love!
Psalm 44:17-26

Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones that you have broken rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins,
and blot out all my iniquities.
... The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
Psalm 51:7-9, 17

He has broken my strength in midcourse;
he has shortened my days.
"O my God," I say, "take me not away
in the midst of my days—
you whose years endure
throughout all generations!"
Psalm 102:23-24

When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears
and delivers them out of all their troubles.
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit.
Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
but the LORD delivers him out of them all.
Psalm 34:17-19

Of old you laid the foundation of the earth,
and the heavens are the work of your hands.
They will perish, but you will remain;
they will all wear out like a garment.
You will change them like a robe, and they will pass away,
but you are the same, and your years have no end.
The children of your servants shall dwell secure;
their offspring shall be established before you.
Psalm 102:25-28

The LORD builds up Jerusalem;
he gathers the outcasts of Israel.
He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.
He determines the number of the stars;
he gives to all of them their names.
Psalm 147:2-4

But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility by abolishing the law of commandments expressed in ordinances, that he might create in himself one new man in place of the two, so making peace, and might reconcile us both to God in one body through the cross, thereby killing the hostility.
Ephesians 2:13-16

But if some of the branches were broken off, and you, although a wild olive shoot, were grafted in among the others and now share in the nourishing root of the olive tree, do not be arrogant toward the branches. If you are, remember it is not you who support the root, but the root that supports you. Then you will say, "Branches were broken off so that I might be grafted in." That is true. They were broken off because of their unbelief, but you stand fast through faith. So do not become proud, but fear. For if God did not spare the natural branches, neither will he spare you. Note then the kindness and the severity of God: severity toward those who have fallen, but God’s kindness to you, provided you continue in his kindness. Otherwise you too will be cut off.
Romans 11:17-22

2008-03-25T15:42:00.000-07:00

Hedonism: A way of life devoted to the pursuit of pleasure. The philosophy that pleasure is the principal good in life.

Christian Hedonism: God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him. We all make a god out of what we take the most pleasure in. Christian Hedonists want to make God their God by seeking after the greatest pleasure—pleasure in him.

A totally new way of thinking for me...

Don’t Be Too Easily Satisfied
Hebrews 11:6 teaches, "Without faith it is impossible to please [God]. For whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.” You cannot please God if you do not come to him looking for reward. Therefore, faith that pleases God is the hedonistic pursuit of God.

As Christian Hedonists we know that everyone longs for happiness. And we will never tell them to deny or repress that desire. It is never a problem to want to be satisfied. The problem is being satisfied too easily. We believe that everyone who longs for satisfaction should no longer seek it from money or power or lust, but should come glut their soul-hunger on the grace of God. We will bend all our effort, by the Holy Spirit, to persuade people that they can be happier in giving than receiving (Acts 20:35); that they should count everything as loss for the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus their Lord (Philippians 3:8); that the aim of all of Jesus' commandments is that their joy be full (John 15:11); that if they delight themselves in the Lord he will give them the desire of their heart (Psalm 37:4); that there is great gain in godliness with contentment (1 Timothy 6:6); and that the joy of the Lord is their strength (Nehemiah 8:10).

We will not try to motivate anyone with appeals to mere duty. We will tell them that in God’s presence is full and lasting joy (Psalm 16:11). And our only duty is to come to him, seeking this pleasure.

By John Piper "We Want You to Be a Christian Hedonist!"

2008-03-18T10:05:00.000-07:00

SATISFIED

Yet it was the will of the LORD to crush him;
he has put him to grief;
when his soul makes an offering for guilt,
he shall see his offspring; he shall prolong his days;
the will of the LORD shall prosper in his hand. Out of the anguish of his soul he shall see and be satisfied; by his knowledge shall the righteous one, my servant,
make many to be accounted righteous,
and he shall bear their iniquities.
Therefore I will divide him a portion with the many,
and he shall divide the spoil with the strong,
because he poured out his soul to death
and was numbered with the transgressors;
yet he bore the sin of many,
and makes intercession for the transgressors.
Isaiah 53:10-12 (ESV)

"Then shall the young women rejoice in the dance,
and the young men and the old shall be merry.
I will turn their mourning into joy;
I will comfort them, and give them gladness for sorrow.
I will feast the soul of the priests with abundance,
and my people shall be satisfied with my goodness,
declares the LORD."
Jeremiah 31:13-14 (ESV)

As for me, I shall behold your face in righteousness;
when I awake, I shall be satisfied with your likeness.
Psalm 17:15 (ESV)

So I will bless you as long as I live;
in your name I will lift up my hands.

My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food,
and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips,
when I remember you upon my bed,
and meditate on you in the watches of the night;
Psalm 63:4-6 (ESV)

When iniquities prevail against me,
you atone for our transgressions.
Blessed is the one you choose and bring near,
to dwell in your courts!
We shall be satisfied with the goodness of your house,
the holiness of your temple!
Psalm 65:3-4 (ESV)

What is desired in a man is steadfast love,
and a poor man is better than a liar.
The fear of the LORD leads to life,
and whoever has it rests satisfied;
he will not be visited by harm.
Proverbs 19:22-23 (ESV)

I will restore to you the years
that the swarming locust has eaten,
the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter,
my great army, which I sent among you.

"You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied,
and praise the name of the LORD your God,
who has dealt wondrously with you.
And my people shall never again be put to shame. You shall know that I am in the midst of Israel,
and that I am the LORD your God and there is none else.
And my people shall never again be put to shame.
Joel 2:25-27 (ESV)

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied."
Matthew 5:6 (ESV)

Come Jesus, come! Satisfy your people! Do not let our hearts grow weary, even as we long for you. Come Lord Jesus, come!

For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away.
For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.
1 Corinthians 13:9,10,12 (ESV)

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted.
Hebrews 12:1-3 (ESV)

2008-03-02T17:39:00.000-08:00

The Mercy Seat
"You shall make a mercy seat of pure gold.
Two cubits and a half shall be its length, and a cubit and a half its breadth. And you shall make two cherubim of gold; of hammered work shall you make them, on the two ends of the mercy seat. Make one cherub on the one end, and one cherub on the other end. Of one piece with the mercy seat shall you make the cherubim on its two ends. The cherubim shall spread out their wings above, overshadowing the mercy seat with their wings, their faces one to another; toward the mercy seat shall the faces of the cherubim be. And you shall put the mercy seat on the top of the ark, and in the ark you shall put the testimony that I shall give you.
There I will meet with you, and from above the mercy seat, from between the two cherubim that are on the ark of the testimony, I will speak with you about all that I will give you in commandment for the people of Israel."
Exodus 25:17-22

You shall put the mercy seat on the ark of the testimony in the Most Holy Place. Exodus 26:34

And he (the high Priest) shall take a censer full of coals of fire from the altar before the LORD, and two handfuls of sweet incense beaten small, and he shall bring it inside the veil and put the incense on the fire before the LORD, that the cloud of the incense may cover the mercy seat that is over the testimony,
so that he does not die.
And he shall take some of the blood of the bull and sprinkle it with his finger on the front of the mercy seat on the east side, and in front of the mercy seat he shall sprinkle some of the blood with his finger seven times.

Then he shall kill the goat of the sin offering that is for the people and bring its blood inside the veil and do with its blood as he did with the blood of the bull, sprinkling it over the mercy seat and in front of the mercy seat. Thus he shall make atonement for the Holy Place, because of the uncleannesses of the people of Israel and because of their transgressions, all their sins. And so he shall do for the tent of meeting, which dwells with them in the midst of their uncleannesses. No one may be in the tent of meeting from the time he enters to make atonement in the Holy Place until he comes out and has made atonement for himself and for his house and for all the assembly of Israel.
Leviticus 16:12-17

But when Christ appeared as a high priest
of the good things that have come, then through the greater and more perfect tent (not made with hands, that is, not of this creation) he entered once for all into the holy places,
not by means of the blood of goats and calves but by means of his own blood, thus securing an eternal redemption. For if the blood of goats and bulls, and the sprinkling of defiled persons with the ashes of a heifer, sanctify for the purification of the flesh, how much more will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without blemish to God, purify our conscience from dead works to serve the living God.

Therefore he is the mediator of a new covenant, so that those who are called may receive the promised eternal inheritance, since a death has occurred that redeems them from the transgressions committed under the first covenant. For where a will is involved, the death of the one who made it must be established. For a will takes effect only at death, since it is not in force as long as the one who made it is alive. Therefore not even the first covenant was inaugurated without blood. For when every commandment of the law had been declared by Moses to all the people, he took the blood of calves and goats, with water and scarlet wool and hyssop, and sprinkled both the book itself and all the people, saying, "This is the blood of the covenant that God commanded for you." And in the same way he sprinkled with the blood both the tent and all the vessels used in worship. Indeed, under the law almost everything is purified with blood, and without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness of sins.
Hebrews 9:11-22

Thus it was necessary for the copies of the heavenly things to be purified with these rites, but the heavenly things themselves with better sacrifices than these.
For Christ has entered, not into holy places made with hands, which are copies of the true things, but into heaven itself, now to appear in the presence of God on our behalf.
Nor was it to offer himself repeatedly, as the high priest enters the holy places every year with blood not his own, for then he would have had to suffer repeatedly since the foundation of the world. But as it is,
he has appeared once for all at the end of the ages to put away sin by the sacrifice of himself.
And just as it is appointed for man to die once, and after that comes judgment, so Christ, having been offered once to bear the sins of many, will appear a second time, not to deal with sin but to save those who are eagerly waiting for him.
Hebrews 9:23-28
All scripture ESV, emphasis mine

The Mercy Seat

In the darkness where everything is unknown
I faced the power of sin on my own
I did not know of a place I could go
Where I could find a way to heal my wounded soul

He said that I could come into His presence without fear
Into the holy place where His mercy hovers near
I'm runnin', I'm runnin', I'm runnin' to the mercy seat
Where Jesus is callin', He said His grace would cover me
His blood will flow freely, It will provide the healing
I'm runnin' to the mercy seat, I'm runnin' to the mercy seat

Are you livin' where hope has not been
Lost in a curse of a lifetime of sin
Look, the illusions, they never come true
I know where there's a place of mercy for you

He said that you could come into His presence without fear
Into the holy place where His mercy hovers near
Come runnin', come runnin', come runnin' to the mercy seat
Where Jesus is callin', His grace will be a covering
His blood will flow freely, It will provide the healing
Come runnin' to the mercy seat

2008-02-18T18:00:00.001-08:00

I was reading this and thought that I would share it. Here's the link to the whole article; Part 1 & Part 2

The root of all our disorders - sexual and social and physical and emotional - is the exchange of the glory of God for other things. The solar system of our soul and our society was made to orbit around the glory of God as its all-controlling sun. And the entire human race has exchanged the glory of God for weightless, substitute satellites that have no gravity and can hold nothing in its proper orbit.
John Piper; The Other Dark Exchange: Homosexuality, Part 2

The text is being talked about is Romans 1:24-28

2008-02-13T14:06:00.000-08:00

Praise the Lord for answered prayer!

"Blessed be the name of God forever and ever,
to whom belong wisdom and might.
He changes times and seasons;
he removes kings and sets up kings;
he gives wisdom to the wise
and knowledge to those who have understanding;
he reveals deep and hidden things;
and the light dwells with him.
To you, O God of my fathers,
I give thanks and praise,
for you have given me wisdom and might,
and have now made known to me what we asked of you,
for you have made known to us the kings matter."
Daniel 2:20-23

I'm trying to memorize this amazing praise to God for answered prayer. When I stand before God and give thanks, I want these words to roll off my lips as if they were my own.
My heart is full today of all the prayers that he has answered for me and the answered prayers for those that I have prayed for. His miracles, mercies, and glory are more than I can fathom.

He is able to do abundantly more than I can imagine. Ephesians 3:20-21

2008-02-01T15:41:00.000-08:00

Thoughts on the Sermon on the Mount.
I will be adding to this post as I continue to read and listen.

Ted Klassen sermon series on the Christian Manifesto click here.
Desiring God; articles and sermons by John Piper click here.
The Sermon on the Mount; Kingdom Life in a Fallen World by Sinclair B. Ferguson.

"The Sermon on the Mount establishes the Christian culture. The Church is not multicultural. It is monocultural; it has one culture. It is multi-racial, people from different countries and that speak different languages; it is multi-ethnic, people from different backgrounds, but it is not multi-culture. Multicultural is different values and religions co-existing and applies to secular institutions. No matter what denomination, the culture of the church is the same. Jesus Christ died on the cross and rose from the dead; people accept him as their savior and realize that he died for them; and then they live for him and want to follow Jesus. That's one culture; that's monoculture. It's about a person and not just about values. That makes it completely different."
Pastor Ted Klassen, Fasting for Jesus, (2008-01-06)

Fasting

"Fasting is personal; between you and God. Just as giving and prayer are between you and God. Fasting should increase our joy and our awareness of what God is doing in our lives and our dependance on him. It should remind us of the life we have in Jesus Christ. Romans 5:10"

"We need to put things aside, to fast from good things, to make us aware of the best thing; to make us more conscience of what the life of Jesus means to us."

"We put everything aside to be good in business, to practice music, to win and train in athletics; but how much time, what do we put aside, to maintain a passion for Jesus Christ? In order to maintain your passion for Jesus there are times when you have to put everything aside. Then you will be rewarded with strength from your Father."

"In Matthew 4, Jesus fasted for 40 days and 40 nights, before he was tempted in the dessert. He preapred for this test by experiencing closeness with God through fasting. Jesus was at the height of his strength because he was at the height of his awareness of the love of God. We fast to become aware of God's love, not of our sin."
Pastor Ted Klassen, Fasting for Jesus, (2008-01-06)

"Jesus wants to point out to his disciples that there are dangers in the spiritual life when sinners undertake it. Conversion does not remove the presence of sin from our hearts, even though it is dethroned in our lives. Sin still works deceitfully in our minds."
The Sermon on the Mount; Kingdom Life in a Fallen World by Sinclair B. Ferguson p. 112.

"Jesus has already made it clear in Matthew 6 that the single most important influence on the way we live the Christian life is how we think of God. For Jesus, theology (how we think about God) determines practice (how we live our lives)." The Sermon on the Mount; Kingdom Life in a Fallen World by Sinclair B. Ferguson pp 118-119.

"You sum up the whole of the New Testament teaching in a single phrase, if you speak of it as a revelation of the Fatherhood of the holy Creator. In the same way you sum up the whole of New Testament religion if you describe it as the knowledge of God as one's holy Father. If you want to judge how well a person understands Christianity, find out how much he makes of the thought of being God's child, and having God as his Father. If this is not the thought that prompts and controls his worship and prayers and his whole outlook on life, it means that he does not understand Christianity very well at all."
J.I. Packer, Knowing God, Hodder and Stoughton, London, 1973, p.182

"By our actions, we are really conveying an unspoken message... Christ and the gospel are always contemporary. We need to see to it that we live, speak, act, and witness in ways that are appropriate to him and to our times."
The Sermon on the Mount; Kingdom Life in a Fallen World by Sinclair B. Ferguson p. 156.

Jesus and the Law

"Jesus came to fulfil the law, not to destroy it. In fact, as we have seen, Jesus teaches that the law of God is an essential diagnostic tool. Whether we break it or keep it, and whether we encourage others to break it or keep it, is an indication of our true spritiual condition. It is the standard for evaluation in the kingdom of God (Matt. 5:19), but not the standard for entrance into the kingdom."

"Were he to overthrow the teaching of the law in the verses that follow, he would do more than that; he would overthrow his own teaching."
The Sermon on the Mount; Kingdom Life in a Fallen World by Sinclair B. Ferguson p. 79, 80

Read Matthew 5:21-32

"How, then, can we keep our way pure? Jesus' vivid illustrations suggest a number of important general principles.

1. Realise where yeilding to sinful lusts will lead you. Jesus says that hell is the direction in which all sin leads (Matt. 5:29-30). Fix that in your mind.

2. Deal with the real cause of your sin. ... failure to 'gouge it out' cannot be remedied by substitute offerings of obedience or sacrifice.

3. Act decisively, immediately, even if it must be painful. ... There will be 'withdrawal symptoms' after the amputation. ... Obedience cannot be negotiated, nor can heaven and hell.

4. Realise especially that your lust is not the whole of your life, and weigh against its influence all that will be yours by abandoning it. ... What happens when we are caught up in some specific sin? We become the objects of blackmail. We think, or Satan says, 'If you deal with this sin as Jesus says, what will be left for you? Think of the long road back to spiritual recovery. Think of what you will lose if you say no.' Such is the attraction and bondage of sin that it becomes all-consuming. It demands all we can give.

But Jesus gives us the hope of a new perspective. Gouge out the offending eye, but save your life. Yes, you may have committed sin the memory of which you will never be able to erase, even though it be forgiven. But you will have taken steps on the way to life and turned away from the doorway to death. Do not be deceived into a hopeless abandonment to sin."

The Sermon on the Mount; Kingdom Life in a Fallen World by Sinclair B. Ferguson pp 89, 90

"It is better, says Jesus, to lose a moment, a day, a week, a month, a year, of stolen pleasure than to lose all - self, wife, family, grace - and finally be cast into hell for despising the word of the Lord.

Who can read such teaching without trembling? May God help us to be faithful - to our spouse (if we are married), for our spouse (if we are to be married in the future) - or simply to God himself (if remain single)."
The Sermon on the Mount: Kingdom Life in a Fallen World, by Sinclair B. Ferguson p. 93

"You are the salt of the earth..." Matthew 5:13

"Jesus is not urging his disciples to become something they are not; he is telling them what they are as kingdom people.

"... in Jesus' day salt was a vital preservative. Christians whose lives exhibit the qualities of the 'blessed' will have a preserving impact upon a society that, if left to itself, will rot and deteriorate... that in itself will not regenerate his society, but it will make it more difficult for sinful attitudes and habits and words to become the norm among his friends and colleagues."
The Sermon on The Mount; Kingdom Life in a Fallen World. by Sinclair B. Ferguson pp. 56, 57, 58

"Christians should have zest! ... Everything about us should express the attractiveness as well as the holiness of our Lord."

"Like salt, our lives and our speech are to bring out the 'flavour' of Jesus Christ. Too much of ourselves - too much of our talk - will like wise leave an unpleasant taste." The Sermon on the Mount; Kingdom Life in a Fallen World by Sinclair B. Ferguson pp. 59, 60

"... But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men." Matthew 5:13

"The same is true for those of us who profess to be Christians. Cease to be different, and we cease to be Christians."

"If we have no moral 'bite' in the different quality of our lifestyle, then we are no longer salt in the world."

"What is it that helps Christians retain their 'saltiness'?... As we open our lives to the impact of the whole of Scripture, with its message of a whole Christ, then the whole of our lives will begin to radiate his saving power and grace."
The Sermon on the Mount; Kingdom Life in a Fallen World by Sinclair B. Ferguson pp. 61, 62

"You are the light of the world." Matthew 5:14

"The implication is clear. Already in the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus is underlining the challenge which is stated so clearly in his Great Commission(Matthew 28:18-20): the whole world is to be our sphere of influence."

"Fulfilling this plan will demand that the whole of our lives be whole-heartedly devoted to him and to his service. That devotion will cost us everything. But surely those who are 'the light of the world' will give nothing less for him who is the light that the darkness can never overcome (John 1:5)."
The Sermon on the Mount; Kingdon Life in a Fallen World by Sinclair B. Ferguson pp. 65, 66

"Lead us not into temptation... " Matthew 6:13

"This comes from Psalm 141. In this Psalm, you can hear that David desperately needed God to hear him, to answer him and to protect him. True prayer begins with a recognition that we can't handle things on our own. To pray 'Lead me not into temptation' is to place a vote of no confidence in the flesh. It is to acknowledge that apart from God hearing us and protecting us, we will fall into sin every time."

"The greatest threat to your spiritual life, is yourself. We look for external factors that pull us towards sin; when in reality we should be looking in the mirror. In Psalm 141:4, David knows the reality of his heart. So for us, instead of pretending that everything is fine, acknowledge your deserate need for God because your heart continually leads you away from him"

"We need to pray; 'God, would you protect me from relationships that seem so attractive, but will only lead me away from you.' And pray the flip side of that as well; 'Surround me with people who will tell me the truth, even when it hurts." (Psalm 141:4, 5)

"Critism is not easy to take and that's why David prayed this way, 'Let my head not refuse it.' We also need to pray; 'God, would you help me not to be so stubborn that I fail to hear your words spoken to me from someone else.' It can be difficult to take, but we all need this; we need to know the truth about ourselves; we need people in our lives to perform this function."
"Lead us not into Temptation" Pastor Lee Francois (2007-11-11) at Culloden Church

Listen to this sermon! click here!

"It's one Jesus; the Lord who teaches and the Lord who works miracles. Nitty gritty and practical, medling in your lives; and He is supernatural and powerful, alienating himself from modern secular world views. And He presents himself as one Christ to be believed as He is or not."
John Piper: The Beatitudes and the Gospel of the Kingdom, Jan. 26, 1986

"The Sermon on the Mount is counter intuitive. It doesn't work the way we naturally think. In fact, the whole gospel of Jesus Christ is that way. The gospel says you can't earn your salvation it's given to you. God says you're a sinner, that you're condemned; but at the same time he loves you so much that he gives you salvation through his death and resurrection. And when He comes into our lives we don't just adopt a set of rules according to the way we live; we receive the Holy Spirit and we receive power to be different; to live counter intuitively."

"Being a Christian is supposed to change you; not just get you into heaven."

"In every Christian's life there comes a crisis when you have to decide that Jesus will be enough. And then He will give you everything you need. Jesus is enough; that's what it means to be meek."
Ted Klassen sermon: Blessed are the Meek (sermon archives July 2007)

"The sermon is Jesus' manifesto. It describes a regal lifestyle, the new behaviour pattern for the new kingdom we have entered."

"... Jesus himself is the King of God's kingdom. Where he reigns, there the kingdom of heaven is already present."

"... the day of the reign of God, was no longer confined to the furture - it was now." Sinclair B. Ferguson from The Sermon on the Mount: Kingdom Life in a Fallen World pp 7, 3.

"Every person's final destiny will be settled by whether Jesus 'knew' him or not (Matt. 7:23)"

"... there is no sadder commentary on our lack of this spiritual poverty than the readiness so many of us have to let others know what we think. But the man who is poor in spirit is the man who has been silenced by God, and seeks only to speak what he has learned in humility from him."
Sinclair B. Ferguson from The Sermon on the Mount: Kingdom Life in a Fallen World pp 5, 17.

"...forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." Matthew 6:12, 14, 15

"If I can forgive those that do me harm, I'm like Jesus! This is how you can know God is your Father because you can forgive like God."

"The evidence that you're repenting is that you're willing to forgive others. We need to question our salvation if we are unforgiving. If you can't forgive someone, you are proving God is not your Father but your judge."
Ted Klassen sermon: How to know God is our Father (2007-11-04)

2007-12-31T15:32:00.000-08:00

A Covenant Prayer:

On Sunday our congregation read a covenant prayer together in preparation for 2008. As the words were read aloud, I found myself unable to follow the throng.

Stopping and staring at the words on the page that should have been crossing my lips; tears welled up in my eyes. I began to read it over and over. I thought back to all that 2007 has been and the taste it has left in my mouth. Can I make this covenant my own? What could be ahead that will cost me something I don't want to pay? Will I recognize the joy and the good things that He will provide in the midst of my sorrows? Is not the decision to walk as Jesus walked a decision to be under the command of Christ; and the re-birth transformation through the Holy Spirit what makes our will submit to Him?

I'm still staring at this prayer. The words of Jesus are surely a comfort.
"What is impossible with men is possible with God." Luke 18:27

"Dear Heavenly Father,
I am no longer my own, but Yours.
Use me as You choose; rank me alongside whoever You choose;
put me to doing, put me to suffering;
let me be employed for You, or laid aside for You;
raised up for You, or brought down low for You;
let me be full, let me be empty;
let me have all things, let me have nothing;
with my whole heart I freely choose to yield all things to Your ordering and approval.

So now, God of glory, Father, Son and Holy Spirit,
You are mine, and I am Your own.
In Jesus name, Amen."

For he who was called in the Lord as a slave is a freedman of the Lord. Likewise he who was free when called is a slave of Christ. You were bought with a price; do not become slaves of men.
1 Corinthians 7:22-23

Romans 6:15-23

2007-11-11T16:00:00.000-08:00

"He says to let go!"

"But how do you know something bad won't happen!?"

"I don't...!"

I was watching Nemo a few weekends ago with a whole bunch of kids. Even in the middle of all the noise of eating breakfast while the movie was on, I still got emotional at that line.

What do I need to let go of? Is it something sinister, disturbing the leadership of the Spirit within me? As it says in Job 20: 12-14;

"Though evil is sweet in his mouth
and he hides it under his tongue,
though he cannot bear to let it go
and keeps it in his mouth,
yet his food will turn sour in his stomach;
it will become the venom of serpents within him."

Evil is such a terrible word; yet is not all that I do that opposes what pleases the LORD, evil in His sight?

I'm reminded of the wealthy young man who came before Jesus asking what he must do to enter into the Kingdom in Mark 10. He had so much that was in the way; as well as attempting to be 'good' enough all on his own. How often do I put 'things' in the way of Jesus; of experiencing Him. Jesus said to the man to give it all up and follow Him. He couldn't; can I? Can I be obedient to what Jesus asks of me? The young man went away sad because he couldn't obey. I used to look at that story and only see that he couldn't walk away from his wealth; but to give it all up - to let go - required the man's obedience. I must obey to experience the Kingdom; Jesus alive in me.

The Kingdom is Jesus alive in me, alive in you. Can I experience the healing wholeness of that while here on earth? Jesus said;

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may
have life and have it abundantly." John 10:10

Abundant life began in me when I let go and let Jesus. It is renewed or reinforced whenever I obey and follow in the footsteps of Christ; allowing myself to be saved from the slavery to sin and set free in obedience to Jesus.

"Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven."
Matthew 6:10

Which means God's will is to be on earth too; I don't have to wait for eternity! I sell myself short to pray for less or to expect less or be satisfied with less. But what does that abundance look like? I don't think we have any clue. My eyes need to be washed clean to see it as Jesus wants me to. His Kingdom is not run by my rules or perceptions.

That brings me to learning to conform my will to that of Christ's.
Romans 12:2
"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."

What tremendous obedience that requires! My mind is so easily swayed to believe worldly knowledge and common sense. Yet God's will is good, acceptable, and perfect. I must learn to trust that and do that which may seem completely crazy without the eyes of the Holy Spirit; that which may seem impossible and hard without the supernatural power of Jesus; and that which is for God's glory and not my own.

Back to Nemo - when 'Dorie' said that she didn't know if something bad would happen, she still let go. I am securely in the hand of my God, my Father God. I can let go of anything and it will be OK. That is the joy that is in Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:9-10
For God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us so that whether we are awake or asleep we might live with him.

That is a promise that I can rest in. And so I cry... because I am seeing how I must let go...

of my own opinion.

2007-10-09T17:34:00.000-07:00

Jesus is not on the cross. He's not dead.

He's alive.

I love what Jesus did on the cross and what he did after - he arose!

Lately the Michael W. Smith version for the old hymn "The Wonderful Cross" by Isaac Watts, is being played a lot on PRAISE - a radio station I listen to often enough. Just about every time I hear it or start to sing it... I can hardly sing I'm so choked up. The new "Amazing Grace" version ('My Chains are Gone' by Chris Tomlin) seems to be doing the same thing to me.

And even thought these songs don't talk about the resurrection - the best and most important part of the power of the cross - I love them. Enjoy reading the lyrics.

The Wonderful Cross
When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of Glory died
My Richest gain I count but loss
And pour contempt on all my pride

See from His head His hands His feet
Sorrow and love flow mingled down
Did e'er such love and sorrow meet
Or thorns compose so rich a crown

Oh the wonderful cross (2x)
Bids me come and die and find
that I may truly live

Oh the wonderful cross (2x)
All who gather here by grace
draw near and bless your name

Were the whole realm of nature mine
That were an off'ring far too small
Love so amazing so divine
Demands my soul, my life, my all

Oh the wonderful cross (2x)
Bids me come and die and find
that I may truly live

Oh the wonderful cross (2x)
All who gather here by grace
draw near and bless your name

Love so amazing, so divine
Demands my soul, my life, my all

and the beauty and the shame
in the glory of His name
Oh the wonderful cross

Oh the wonderful cross (2x)
Bids me come and die and find
that I may truly live

Oh the wonderful cross (2x)
All who gather here by grace
draw near and bless your name

Amazing Grace (My chains are gone)
Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed

My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, Amazing grace

The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbade to shine
But God, Who called me here below
Will be forever mine
Will be forever mine

You are forever mine

2007-09-30T15:52:00.000-07:00

Let's read a familiar passage that has come to life for me in a new way.
Psalm 23
The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

On Monday (Sept. 24) evening we spent some time pampering our hands, eating chocolate, visiting with friends, and meeting some new people. I’m sure some of the women who came were seeking rest; some relief from the crazy world we are in; or from the schedule that they are trying to keep. Maybe you’re tired.

This past summer a group of ladies met weekly and together we read through a book called Traveling Light by Max Lucado. Here's an exert from it…

"I'll give you the consequences of the burden; you guess the cause.

It afflicts 70 million Americans and is faulted for 38,000 deaths each year.
The condition annually costs the U.S. $70 billion worth of productivity.
Teenagers suffer from it. Studies show that 64% of teens blame it for poor school performance.
Middle agers face it. Researchers say the most severe cases occur between ages thirty and forty.
Senior citizens are afflicted by it. One study suggests that the condition impacts 50% of the over sixty-five population.
Treatments involve everything from mouth guards to herbal teas to medication.

Any idea what's being described?
Chemical abuse? Divorce? Long sermons? None of those answers are correct, though the last one was a good hunch. The answer may surprise you. Insomnia. America can't get to sleep."

I think it's safe to say that Canada probably can't either.

God ordained rest way back when he created and then rested (Genesis 2:1-3). And he wants to lead you there. Look again at Psalm 23 again…
He – makes me lie down
He – leads me beside still waters
He – leads me in paths of righteousness

Who is he? He is LORD. In the NIV, (New International Version), when the word ‘Lord’ is written in all capitals, it means “Yahweh” which is the Hebrew for “I AM”. I’m going to quote Max’s book again because he had a relatively simple explanation for this name.

"The name I AM sounds strikingly close to the Hebrew verb to be - havah. It's quite possibly a combination of the present tense form (I am) and the causative tense (I cause to be). Yahweh, then, seems to mean "I AM" and "I cause." God is the "One who is" and the "One who causes."

This is God’s name. We say, when we are telling people our name – “I am Sam or I am Kathryn or I am Maria”. God just says I AM.

Psalm 23 says that God will lead you into rest – even in the midst of trouble. Notice, in verse 4, walking in the valley of the shadow of death; we can count on safety and comfort so we don't have to fear. In verse 5, we are told that God will prepare for us a table in the presence of our enemies. He's providing for us in the midst of trouble. He's giving you rest beyond what we can find for ourselves.

We can experience a bit of physical relief, some comfort in conversation, the great taste of chocolate, and pamper ourselves with pedicures or massages. Even though these things are great…and I think it’s important to take time to slow your pace; they can never give you the true rest that you are seeking; because it won’t last.

The bath will get cold and you’ll have to empty the tub and get out. Your nails will break and you’ll have to get them filled. The massage will end, the lotion will wash off and your feet will ache after a day of working. You may lose a friend or family member to cancer; or tire of constantly holding it all together by yourself; you may even realize that finding inner peace just isn't working.

Jesus said... well wait a minute. Why should we care what Jesus says? Let's look at John 8:57
"Truly, truly, I say to you, before Abraham was, I am!"
Did you see that!? He just used God's name! Jesus is God. He just said he was; so you can either believe him or think he's nuts. Look also at John 10:27-30
"My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father’s hand. I and the Father are one."
Again, Jesus says that he is God; that he is 'one' with God.

So, in Matt. 11:28-29, Jesus says;
"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."

Rest for your soul is given by Jesus. You can find rest and peace in Jesus Christ. And I want you to know that rest and peace. You can have more than that too. We just read in John 10, that in Jesus we have eternal life and that no one can take us from him once he's let us in. Come before Jesus, repent, and learn from him. It's a promise; you'll find true, lasting rest.

I’ll close with some good advice from Philippians 4:4-9.
"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you."

Go in peace and in rest. And seek these things in Jesus Christ and you'll never run out.

2007-08-07T15:31:00.000-07:00

Memorization.

Recently, my dad memorized the Sermon on the Mount in the NIV (listen to it! The Christian Manifesto: The Sermon on the Mount). I haven't memorized a verse daily since I was in my Sunday school days as a child. I have memorized a verse here and there; but if I'm honest, I have probably forgotten them, as memorization is not a practice in my life.

Memorizing something from the Bible puts into your heart what God wants and who God is. There are some good reasons to memorize in
Psalm 119:1-11
"Blessed are those whose way is blameless,
who walk in the law of the LORD!
Blessed are those who keep his testimonies,
who seek him with their whole heart,
who also do no wrong,
but walk in his ways!
You have commanded your precepts
to be kept diligently.
Oh that my ways may be steadfast
in keeping your statutes!
Then I shall not be put to shame,
having my eyes fixed on all your commandments.
I will praise you with an upright heart,
when I learn your righteous rules.
I will keep your statutes;
do not utterly forsake me!

How can a young man keep his way pure?
By guarding it according to your word.
With my whole heart I seek you;
let me not wander from your commandments!
I have stored up your word in my heart,
that I might not sin against you."

What really hit me in the sermon, was the relationship between scripture and the working of the Holy Spirit.

The Holy Spirit needs the word of God in order to work on you, to change you.

John 17:17
Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth.

Sanctify means to set us apart, to make us holy, and to make us useful. The Holy Spirit uses the word of God - the Bible - as fuel to change you. If you are not reading the Bible the Holy Spirit doesn't have a chance! The Holy Spirit has nothing to work with; except your background, what you've heard from your family or your friends, and what you've heard for half an hour Sunday morning. He needs the word of God and without it the Holy Spirit starves.

This thought reminds me of something Jesus said in the Gospel of John 15:1-11

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes that it may bear more fruit. Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples. As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full."

When Jesus says 'my word', I go back to what John says about Jesus in chapter one "...the Word was with God and the Word was God... the Word became flesh." (John 1:1, 14). Jesus can get 'into you' through the word of God, the Holy Bible, if you read it every day.

Hebrews 4:12
For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.

Don't starve the Holy Spirit.

The Word of God; is it in you?

2007-07-19T14:13:00.000-07:00

The Rock of Obedience.

I learned something today and I want to share it with you.

John MacArthur is doing a series on his radio broadcast called "The way to Heaven." Today's message was called 'Empty Hearts' (listen!) taken from Matthew 7:24-27

"24Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. 26And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. 27And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it."

I have read this passage before, but learned something new this time. Read it yourself, again.

The people Jesus is talking about are the people who hear the message; they listen, they understand it; the wise ones do something about it, the foolish ones do not. The foolish builders have a head knowledge but not a heart knowledge or a real heart relationship. John MacArthur points out that the only difference in the two stories is what each builds his house on. Both build a house, both are involved in spiritual activity; both build in the same location because they are both subject to the same storm; and both apparently build it in the same way because Jesus only differentiates the foundations (which is not visible once the structure is up).

What is the rock?
The rock could be God; that's true. In Psalm 18:2 it says
The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

The rock could be Jesus; that could be true too. In Ephesians 2:20 Paul calls Jesus the cornerstone; Peter re-states Jesus' own reference to himself as the 'stone rejected by the builders' as the cornerstone.

But Mr. MacArthur puts forth an idea I'd never heard before and makes a lot of sense. Look again at verse 24,
"Everyone who hears these words of mine and.... does them..." builds his house on the rock. (John said it sort-of like that).
The rock is obedience to the Word of God. Yes God is the rock and Jesus Christ is the chief cornerstone. What Jesus is saying here is these words of His become the foundation of the true church.

The person who only hears and never does only has sand. Even though you listen, if you don't do it you're not on the rock. Having a rock foundation means obedience. The foundation is the key difference; and this story shows how God looks at the heart - what is not visible. Spiritual activity doesn't mean a true heart relationship or even a true obedience to the Word of God.

John 8:30-31
As he was saying these things, many believed in him.
So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed in him, "If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples."
Even here, Jesus says that you have to 'abide' in His word; continue in obedience to the Word of God.

Unless you build your life on Biblical truth you are deceiving yourself.
James 1:22
But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.

If you're not doing it, it's not having any affect on your life. Dare I say, it's not having any affect on your destiny either.

1John 2:3
And by this we know that we have come to know him, if we keep his commandments.

Titus 16
They profess to know God, but they deny him by their works. They are detestable, disobedient, unfit for any good work.

I'm not saying this stuff, John MacArthur's not saying this, Jesus is, the apostles did. We ought to examine our lives and see if we are being obedient to the Word of God. If we go around claiming faith and don't obey - where is our salvation? Are we justifying our disobedience?

Obedience is the only validation of your salvation. It is the only possible proof of your profession of Jesus as Lord.

Building on the rock is obedience.

That's hard stuff. Narrow is the gate.

2007-06-25T16:00:00.000-07:00

I'm tired. I know many others out there that are as well. It's an epidemic. We all have our reasons. Maybe we have a lot on our plate right now. Our mistakes have caught up with us and left us flat on our backs. The weight of responsibility seems just too heavy to carry. The plans we laid out are not panning out the way we'd thought. Family relationships are stressful. I could list more I'm sure, but it all falls under the same category; burdens that we pick up every day.

I was reading a friends blog and came across the familiar words of Jesus;
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30 (ESV)

Putting our burdens on Jesus yoke is not a one time deal but an every day task. And yet, I think, like many of you, I seem to forget to do that as I start out each day.

Another scripture came to mind and I'm not sure of the connection here... so help me out.

James 4:13-17
Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins. (ESV)

Do these verses burden you or unburden you? Today I feel the load of them. I often do feel the load of knowing the truth and of understanding what God wants from me; because I'm tired. I am still looking for the balance of placing my burdens at the feet of Jesus and doing that which I know is His will. I have learned that doing His will is not automatic. It requires a constant checking of myself at the door. At times I am zealous and ready to fight and yell for what God is placing on my heart. But then I become drained and alienated from all things human it seems. It's as if my thoughts and notions are so 'other' that I'm uncomfotable to be around.

I am reminded, as I type, that Tim wrote about leaving our slavery to sin and becoming a slave to righteousness referring to Romans 6:15-23. Hopefully he'll write something about what he's learning and I can learn too.

I hope that you can balance the burden/freedom that comes as your walk with Jesus deepens. I love what Jesus has done for me and who he has made me thus far. I put him above all in my life; but I am tired. I await the rest of heaven with great anticipation.

2007-06-03T20:51:00.000-07:00

Scripture never tells you to forgive yourself.

I'm not sure why I never realized that. I found myself telling someone that they had to forgive themselves and move on and then a week later heard this quote on a Beth Moore video. Scripture tells us that God has forgiven us through the blood of Jesus Christ; that we are to forgive as we have been forgiven; but never forgive yourself.

Ephesians 4:32 says;
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (ESV)

Beth Moore gave the Greek word for 'forgiving' in this verse and I went home to look it up myself. The word is charizomai, which is a word related to charis meaning grace. I liked how she re-worded the verse to say; Grace others as you've been graced. It really hit home for me.

I've walked in sins that seem larger than others, more public I suppose. The sins that plague me the most, however, are those that you have to step into my inner world to see. I've been forgiven for all of them. I've been given much grace; and yet I seem to lack the ability to give it as freely as I should. This to me is just another seduction of sin; to be judgemental without grace.

So, in accepting your forgiveness from Jesus and applying it to others, that covers our need to forgive ourselves. Scripture says that God forgives and forgets (Jeremiah 31:34, Psalm 103:12, Hebrews 8:12 etc.). We can't forget. We have to reframe it and allow God to take our horrible experience or our evil deeds and cleanse them in mercy. That way, we can use what we know to remember God's grace, His love, His faithfulness - and then in turn help others who have fallen in the same way. The legacy of your mistakes is grace. God's glory is seen in how he took your mess and made it beautiful.

2Peter 3:18 says;
But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen. (ESV)

All glory to my King, my savoir, my God, my friend and my deliverer.

2007-05-07T14:25:00.001-07:00

Not so unusual; a song has brought me to the words that I haven't been able to find for quite some time. I'm in the midst of Running to Stand Still (U2).

I have to do something about where I'm going, about where we're going. In order to keep my head up, I'm busy changing on the inside. Feeling like I'm moving way to fast. Not knowing what is and what is not. Learning to follow harder than ever before. And yet, it looks like I'm not going anywhere. It actually looks like I'm going backwards.

I've got to do things I'm not good at; talk without speaking - or listen, cry without weeping - or be empathetic, scream without raising my voice - or give my passion over to Jesus. I have to let the Holy Spirit be me. I know, I'm supposed to do that always.

I took a verse on last year as a challenge. I never knew it's power or really if I would ever actually be faced with it's truth. The challenge seems to have only just begun and I memorized it a year ago already. I memorized it in the NIV, but I like the ESV better.

2Corinthians 10:5
We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ.(ESV)

I have listened to much to the lofty opinions of our western abyss. I've listened to much to the lies that sit dormant in my mind; rising up when they see the opportunity to come up against the authority of Christ. There is only one way out. Out - off the path that too many walk, out onto the road that is less traveled and seems so uninviting to this world, and out from the lies that I have so easily swallowed.

I should have known better. I shouldn't have wasted all this time. But this is my time; I'm going to have to make this moment mine. Just know that I'm learning.

The storm has blown up in my eyes and I'll suffer the chill until things have changed.

Pray for me. Wait for me.

2007-03-10T11:57:00.000-08:00

1 Corinthians 2
And I, when I came to you, brothers, did not come proclaiming to you the testimony of God with lofty speech or wisdom. For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. And I was with you in weakness and in fear and much trembling, and my speech and my message were not in plausible words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God.

Yet among the mature we do impart wisdom, although it is not a wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are doomed to pass away. But we impart a secret and hidden wisdom of God, which God decreed before the ages for our glory. None of the rulers of this age understood this, for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory. But, as it is written,

"What no eye has seen, nor ear heard,
nor the heart of man imagined,
what God has prepared for those who love him"--

these things God has revealed to us through the Spirit. For the Spirit searches everything, even the depths of God. For who knows a person's thoughts except the spirit of that person, which is in him? So also no one comprehends the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. Now we have received not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might understand the things freely given us by God. And we impart this in words not taught by human wisdom but taught by the Spirit, interpreting spiritual truths to those who are spiritual.

The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him, and he is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned. The spiritual person judges all things, but is himself to be judged by no one. "For who has understood the mind of the Lord so as to instruct him?" But we have the mind of Christ. (ESV)

I love this chapter. As I have decided to take a leave of absence from my role as Bible study leader, I read this and feel a sense of oneness with Paul. As a leader I know that I don't appear to come before those that I teach with fear and trembling; but I do. Not because I am afraid of those that sit before me, but because I have been given the task of relating the very words of God in the Bible to those that have come. I have never taken that lightly. It is an awesome challenge and a gift that I did not go out seeking.

As I take this time away, I have such a sense of relief. I know that Jesus has commissioned my break. I have led Bible study consistently for nearly 11 years. What lies ahead is uncertain I suppose, yet God knows already; and so it is only for me to discover.

I will be using this site to get some of my daily teaching energy out. Sort-of like an online devotional journal.

May the mind of Christ in you continue to reveal that which the Father knows and that which the Word speaks.

2007-02-15T19:39:00.000-08:00

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Matthew 11:28-30

May your unfailing love come to me, O LORD,
your salvation according to your promise;
then I will answer the one who taunts me,
for I trust in your word.
Psalm 119:41-42

Let your compassion come to me that I may live, for your law is my delight.
Psalm 119:77

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."
Matthew 19:14

"All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away."
John 6:37

"No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him, and I will raise him up at the last day.
John 6:44

Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, "If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink.
John 7:37

"All I have is yours, and all you have is mine. And glory has come to me through them. I will remain in the world no longer, but they are still in the world, and I am coming to you. Holy Father, protect them by the power of your name—the name you gave me — so that they may be one as we are one."
John 17:10-11

Come to me you weary one..., you broken one..., you burdened one...
Jesus is calling us all. And He will give you rest, peace, and joy.

I know that you can find those things inside yourself, inside a marriage, within another faith, and even in the things we can buy. I have found them in the man called Jesus, the Christ. I have come to God. And he was waiting for me... just for me. He waits for you too. I don't think my words can convey the awesomeness of that.

I cry for those that have not yet come, who don't even think they need to.

kari jobe music - Come to me

2007-01-20T22:46:00.000-08:00

Who is God?

Luke 19:11-27
While they were listening to this, he went on to tell them a parable, because he was near Jerusalem and the people thought that the kingdom of God was going to appear at once. He said: "A man of noble birth went to a distant country to have himself appointed king and then to return. So he called ten of his servants and gave them ten minas.'Put this money to work,' he said, 'until I come back.'
"But his subjects hated him and sent a delegation after him to say, 'We don't want this man to be our king.'

"He was made king, however, and returned home. Then he sent for the servants to whom he had given the money, in order to find out what they had gained with it.

"The first one came and said, 'Sir, your mina has earned ten more.'

" 'Well done, my good servant!' his master replied. 'Because you have been trustworthy in a very small matter, take charge of ten cities.'

"The second came and said, 'Sir, your mina has earned five more.'

"His master answered, 'You take charge of five cities.'

"Then another servant came and said, 'Sir, here is your mina; I have kept it laid away in a piece of cloth. I was afraid of you, because you are a hard man. You take out what you did not put in and reap what you did not sow.'

"His master replied, 'I will judge you by your own words, you wicked servant! You knew, did you, that I am a hard man, taking out what I did not put in, and reaping what I did not sow? Why then didn't you put my money on deposit, so that when I came back, I could have collected it with interest?'

"Then he said to those standing by, 'Take his mina away from him and give it to the one who has ten minas.'

" 'Sir,' they said, 'he already has ten!'

"He replied, 'I tell you that to everyone who has, more will be given, but as for the one who has nothing, even what he has will be taken away. But those enemies of mine who did not want me to be king over them—bring them here and kill them in front of me."

Do you think that Father God takes out what he did not put in? Do you think he is a hard 'man'? Do you think he's unfair? Are you afraid of him? Do you believe in him at all? Do you know that his Son, Jesus, is King; whether you want to accept it or not?

Our understanding of who God is affects our relationship with him. We need to discover who he is so that we have no misconceptions that cost us our joy or even worse, our salvation.

The Bible is God's communication with you; telling you who God is. Try reading it from that perspective.

"...when you received the word of God, which you heard from us, you accepted it not as the word of men, but as it actually is, the word of God..." 1 Thessalonians 2:13

"My teachers of Indian history taught us how wonderful our ancestors were. But the Bible – the source book of Jewish history – was telling me terrible things about its kings, priests, prophets and people. It could not have been written from any of their perspectives.
This book claimed to be God’s interpretation of Jewish history and the claim made sense. It explained why Israel and Judah were destroyed. The story of the restoration of a ruined nation fascinated me.
More intriguing was the discovery that the Bible told a story bigger than that of the Jews. It said that God had chosen Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob so that he could bless all nations on earth through their descendents: God had made a promise to bless India. I could know if the Bible was true by examining whether God had kept that promise."
Vishal Mangalwadi

Read Vishal's latest article "Can the Words of Men be the Word of God?" @ www.vishalmangalwadi.com

2007-01-14T15:28:00.000-08:00

Longing for His voice to break through the chatter in my mind; I seek it out and investigate what He may be saying. I look at the Bible and dissect each word, verse, phrase, and chapter. Awakened in the night by a pain in my tooth... what is He trying to say to me? Why would I think that a tooth ache is a message from my Lord? I prayed for forgiveness as I felt washed in guilt. That didn't seem to fit... I couldn't fall back to sleep. I was restless and didn't know what I was missing. I relieved my pain with some aspirin and restlessly put my head on my pillow.

John 10:27-29
"My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand."

I should have prayed for Sandra... her tooth was aching too - same time, but miles away. Her body is battling cancer - God knows why her tooth ached and told me about it, the best way possible; he gave me a tooth ache! I'm unsettled by my lack of ability to discern what Jesus was saying. I need to seek that which God would have me do for others. Love your neighbor as yourself.

Matthew 22:37-39
"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. and the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself."

After years of walking with my Jesus, my friend, I still struggle to say that "I love" my God. What does that mean? So all encompassing, how do I place it in my life? Before all things, all people - is my love for my God.

1John 5:3
"This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome,..."

Not burdensome. Obeying is loving. Application of your knowledge of scripture and of what Jesus would have you do, is loving God. Not that complicated. We even tell our own children these very words about the 'rules' we have for them. After all that happens in life, we need to remind ourselves to lean on Jesus, to follow him, to obey, and to find joy in that - to know that we love Him.

Psalm 62:5,7
"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him... and my honor depend on God."

All my ambitions, hopes, and plans. All for Jesus, I surrender them into his hands.

Listen for the voice that agrees with that. Rest in that.

2007-01-10T19:11:00.000-08:00

I used this as a devotional for my Women's Connections Ministry Team and thought that I would share it here.

Our Connections verse that I chose last year is in the NASB (New American Standard Bible) translation because I thought the wording was better for what we were trying to communicate. I looked again at the verse in the NIV. It reads;
“I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong – that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith.” Romans 1:11-12

Three things that we as a team, (and you individually), can take away from these verses as we look into the New Year.

1. Your gift is to make you strong. As we work together and use the gifts that God has given us, remember that your gift is not to be a burden. It is to make you and those around you strong.

2. Your gift encourages you in your faith. As we plan and enjoy the events we plan, may it encourage your faith in Jesus. Our simple acts of service like serving coffee, preparing decorations, making craft preparations, and chatting with a new person at a Connections evening, will encourage you in your walk with Jesus. Using our gifts encourages our faith in an unseen God. It helps us also to be encouragers of others in their faith.

3. Our gifts are meant to aid us in sharing the gospel. Romans 1 goes on to say that “I am not ashamed of the gospel,… For in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed, a righteousness that is by faith from first to last…” (vs. 16-17). Our spiritual gifts encourage our faith, which is of God, which spurs us on to tell the good news to those who don’t know it. When you have good news to tell – you shout it out!! Use your gift to bring people to a relationship with Jesus.

“Therefore you do not lack any spiritual gift as you eagerly wait for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed.” 1Corinthians 1:7
Remember that you are just as God designed you to be. He knows your strengths and weaknesses and delights in your working together with other followers of Christ – especially when we feel weak. Jesus really takes off then!!

2006-11-13T13:06:00.000-08:00

What misery is mine!
I am like one who gathers summer fruit
at the gleaning of the vineyard;
there is no cluster of grapes to eat,
none of the early figs that I crave.

The godly have been swept from the land;
not one upright man remains.
All men lie in wait to shed blood;
each hunts his brother with a net.

Both hands are skilled in doing evil;
the ruler demands gifts,
the judge accepts bribes,
the powerful dictate what they desire—
they all conspire together.

The best of them is like a brier,
the most upright worse than a thorn hedge.
The day of your watchmen has come,
the day God visits you.
Now is the time of their confusion.

Do not trust a neighbor;
put no confidence in a friend.
Even with her who lies in your embrace
be careful of your words.

For a son dishonors his father,
a daughter rises up against her mother,
a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law—
a man's enemies are the members of his own household.

But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD,
I wait for God my Savior;
my God will hear me.
Micah 7:1-7

"I have come to bring fire on the earth, and how I wish it were already kindled! But I have a baptism to undergo, and how distressed I am until it is completed! Do you think I came to bring peace on earth? No, I tell you, but division. From now on there will be five in one family divided against each other, three against two and two against three. They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law."
Luke 12:49-53

My heart is grieved for those that these verses speak truth. It is such difficulties as these that seem unnatural, wrong, and somehow not of God's will. And yet He warned us. The path must seem so narrow and hard; so full of doubt; discouraged that your faith has not shown those you love that Jesus loves them. I am at a loss to understand this journey. I can only pray for compassion, wisdom and guidance from above to help you along your way.
Your family in Christ is with you. May you find peace in Jesus. One day it will all be as it is supposed to be.

For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.
Colossians 1:19-20

2006-10-03T12:33:00.000-07:00

It's All Right.

Lately, I'm just OK. Nothing is really that great or terrible. A good place to be in a world of disappointments, struggles, fears, famines, wars, rage, and depravity. I have some constants in my life that always seem to rise up and cause me some mental difficulty - but really, I'm OK. For a woman of great passion, this sits funny.

I've been reading 2Kings. Great stories and fabulous miracles. I have paused now for a bit on the Shunammite woman of chapter 4. She extends hospitality and service to the man of God - Elisha. Not just for a moment, but makes it part of her life and gives him a place in her home. She even informs her husband that this is what they are going to do. She asks for nothing. Elisha wants to give her something. Childless, Elisha tells her she will have a son - and she doesn't even want the gift. An unexpected gift from God. Have you ever had one of those? You question it, even want to reject it. Then the gift is taken from you and you figure it must not have come from your heavenly Father. It's bewildering. The Shunammite woman's son died. So, did God not give her that gift of a child? Was Elisha wrong to bestow such thing on a woman who did not ask for anything?

Her son died in her arms. My grandmother lost her youngest son at 16. Her response was straight out of scripture and reminds me of this woman here in 2Kings. "The LORD gave and the LORD hath taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD." Job 1:20 I know my grandma wept for her son before Jesus. She took the grief straight to the one who placed her in that moment. The Shunammite woman lays her son down on Elisha's bed and goes to find him. Elisha was her connection to the God we now can speak to through Jesus. She didn't even burden her husband with the knowledge of their sons death; or even dump her grief on him. When he asked her why she was going since he didn't understand why she needed to go - her response was as quick and steady as my grandmother's was. "It's all right."

Once before Elisha, her anger and grief mingle and it is clear that she is distressed. But she brought it to the feet of the one who could do something with it. It's all right. Did she know that Elisha would bring her son back to her? Elisha didn't even know why she was there! God didn't tell him - she had to. It's all right. How did she know that!? Was she just saying that? Was she protecting her husband or was she just delaying the inevitable sorrow, so she could scream at the man responsible? She never asked for a son!!

What do you need to yell at God about? What did you never ask for and get anyway? Is it all right with you? Or have you forgotten that Jesus didn't die so that you could hope that God is paying attention to your thoughts instead of hearing them flow out before Him in prayer? Jesus said "In that day you will no longer ask me anything. (he was telling his disciples this) I tell you the truth, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name." John 16:23. Talk to God the Father. We don't need to find the prophet, we just need to actually pray.

So if it's all right with you, I'm going to remember to put my frustrations where they belong; in the hands of my maker. Beyond that - it's all right with me.

2006-08-18T17:07:00.000-07:00

Why am I in this place anyway? Why do I have to go through this? Why can't I find peace? When will this start to make sense? How will I ever move beyond my pain?

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.
2 Corinthians 1:3-11 (emphasis mine)

OK. Let's be honest. None of us are facing death as Paul and his companions did. So, why do we then complain and whine and cry out for relief? Our pain is as real as we know and understand. What a comfort to know that I may not be able to handle that which God has given me - but Jesus can.

I wish that the comfort of others, the ability to teach others, the knowledge to lead souls to Christ, and the comfort of Jesus himself, did not come at such a high price. And yet the price he paid for me could never be matched. Never can I give him what he deserves for saving my selfish, sinful heart. All he wants is me, broken and bruised. In that lies the reason. Without my failures and struggles, I would not come to him at all.

Blessed be the name of the LORD! For he is good! I thank you LORD for that which brings me to my knees before you.

2006-08-18T16:34:00.000-07:00

Bounce

We have to train ourselves to bounce away from sin; from that which ensnares our mind, our eyes, and our actions. I was listening to Fred Stoeker on Family Life talk about how he mastered his sinful nature. He said he's not special, he's not better than you or me, he just daily went to battle with sin. He lost a lot, but now says he wins more than he loses. And he reaps benefits; a better marriage, a happier outlook, a fulfilling relationship with Jesus, and a bigger pay check due to the book he wrote to help other men do what he did. Not bad. How can women get in on this one? We too have to bounce away from the temptation to sin.

Start with your mind.
"...we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2Corinthians 10:5
It all starts there anyway. Jesus really pounded this home in the Sermon on the Mount. You murder in your mind, you commit adultery in your mind; your motives and your heart are under the judgement of God.
So a thought comes to mind, an image comes to mind, a fantacy comes to mind... check it, and make it captive to the obedience to Christ. This is an endless task.

Make a covenant with your eyes.
"I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl." Job 31:1
Ok, so I would never do that anyway, but the task is the same. What you spend your time looking at, is what goes into your heart and mind. And lets face it, women are not immune to lustfull glances at men; or to trying to garnish that from them. Jesus said "The eye is the lamp of the body." Matt. 6:22 What is illuminating your life?

Treat your spouse/others as Jesus would.
2Samuel 12:3-10 is the story that the Prophet Nathan told King David after his sin with Bathsheba and killing her husband. The lesson here is that the ewe lambs value to the poor man described in the story, is how precious your spouse is to God. From the male prespective this may make more sense; that they are to love and lead their wives. But we can still take the lesson and remember that God loves your spouse more than you'll ever be able to and can help you treat them with love and respect. Your sin does affect those closest to you. That's why this last part is in the plan. We have to move to loving behaviors that reflect a heart of obedience to Christ.

References:
tactics: securing the victory in every man's battle by Fred Stoeker
Family Life series: Every Man's Battle August 14-17/06

2006-06-18T20:12:00.000-07:00

Relationships are important. Probably the most important thing.

Matthew 22:37-39 says "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and the most important commandment. The second most important commandment is like it: Love your neighbor as you love yourself." These two commands that Jesus gives are tied to our relationship to God. To love God with all of our being requires that you get to know him. And did you catch that part where it says 'is like it'? When we love others, it is like loving God. Just as Jesus said "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." Matthew 25:40.

Heaven is about relationship. John 17:3 says "And eternal life means to know you, the only true God, and to know Jesus Christ, whom you sent." (Good News). Eternal life means to know God. What an awesome thought. Recently my cousin and I were chatting about sharing the gospel with family and friends. She said something that struck me as revolutionary. The question that often stalls our conversations is 'who goes to heaven and who goes to hell?'. We don't have the right to judge another person's heart; that's God's place. Instead of stalling, this can be a great opportunity to talk about the relationship God wants to have with us. It's all about the crazy love of God for us, wanting to be in a deep intimate relationship with us. When we choose to accept God's unconditional love and what Jesus did on the cross to cover our sins, to make it possible for us to be in a deep intimate relationship with God; heaven is then a continuation of that intimate relationship. We can simily say, 'Why would someone want an intimate relationship with God after they die if they don't want one when they're alive?'

I've been reading in the Old Testement lately, which has made me aware of the words used to describe God; his names and his character and even his authority. Jesus clearly states which God you need to know to experience relationship and through whom you get it. He says that eternal life is to know the only true God and to know Jesus (John 17:3). In John 14:6-7 he says "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes tothe Father except through me. If you really knew me, you would know my Father as well." There is only one BIG G. and many little g's. There is only one Big G. who created the universe; and this is the only true God who sent Jesus his son to die for you.

Our relationship to God and to others grows in love and intimacy as we journey in our walk with Jesus. Yet we will not achieve the fullness of relationship and knowledge until that day. 1 Corinthians 13:12 puts it perfectly, "Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."

Get your relationship straight with the only true God through Jesus Christ, and you will find that all your other relationships - flowing out of that - can be better, stronger, closer to how God planned it.

2006-05-20T15:47:00.000-07:00

THE ROOM

I didn't write this, but it had me in tears this morning; so I had to post it.

17-year-old Brian Moore had to write something for a class. The subject was what Heaven was like. "I wowed 'em," he later told his father, Bruce. "It's a killer. It's the bomb. It's the best thing I ever wrote." It also was the last.

Brian's parents had forgotten about the essay when a cousin found it while cleaning out the teenager's locker at his high school.

Brian had been dead only hours, but his parents desperately wanted every piece of his life near them-notes from classmates and teachers, his homework. Only two months before, he had handwritten the essay about encountering Jesus in a file room full of cards detailing every moment of the teen's life.

But it was only after Brian's death that Beth and Bruce Moore realized that their son had described his view of heaven.

"It makes such an impact that people want to share it. You feel like you are there." Mr. Moore said.

Brian Moore died May 27, 1997, the day after Memorial Day. He was driving home from a friend's house when his car went off Bulen-Pierce Road in Pickaway County and struck a utility pole. He emerged from the wreck unharmed but stepped on a downed power line and was electrocuted.

The Moores framed a copy of Brian's essay and hung it among the family portraits in the living room. "I think God used him to make a point. I think we were meant to find it and make something out of it, " Mrs. Moore said of the essay. She and her husband want to share their son's vision of life after death.

"I'm happy for Brian. I know he's in heaven. I know I'll see him.

Brian's Essay: The Room...

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room.
There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings.

As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read "Girls I have liked." I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was.

This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. A file named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I have betrayed."

The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird. "Books I Have Read," "Lies I Have Told," "Comfort I have Given,"

"Jokes I Have Laughed at." Some were almost hilarious in their exactness:
"Things I've yelled at my brothers." Others I couldn't laugh at: "Things I Have Done in My Anger", "Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents." I never ceased to be surprised by the contents.

Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived.

Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth.

Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

When I pulled out the file marked "TV Shows I have watched", I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the vast time I knew that file represented.

When I came to a file marked "Lustful Thoughts," I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content.

I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room!

I have to destroy them!" In insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card.

I became desperate and pulled out a card only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it. Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh.

And then I saw it. The title bore "People I Have Shared the Gospel With."
The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.

And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt.
They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes.

No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him.

No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly
as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw sorrow deeper than my own.

He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes.

Why did He have to read every one?

Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again.

He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me.

Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card.

"No!" I shouted rushing to Him.

All I could find to say was "No, no," as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine.

It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side.

He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished." I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door.

2006-03-30T14:00:00.000-08:00

Trust His Voice

As I have tried to venture into silence and solitude, my discovery is somewhat unsettling; I'm afraid. I think my fear of silence with God is connected to my brand of faith. Being a Mennonite Brethern by culture and faith, I am somewhat straight laced at my core. Also, my athletic experiences exposed me to spiritual pathways and disciplines that re-inforced me to stick close to those traditional values. I have seen the dark side and the power of evil spirits; so I am quick to be happy in the safety that Jesus provides.

My fear is really of being charismatic. Why? Because it's unfamiliar. I have realised that I am afraid to let loose my spirit and my soul, for fear that I will lose control. And who will take control once it is no longer mine? Does Jesus not already have my spirit in His control? Satan cannot take what is not his. So, what then do I fear except God himself?

I tell you the truth, the man who does not enter the sheep pen by the gate, but climbs in by some other way, is a thief and a robber. The man who enters by the gate is the shepherd of his sheep. The watchman opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger's voice.
I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me — just as the Father knows me and I know the Father—and I lay down my life for the sheep.
My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand.
John 10:1-5, 14-15, 27-29

Jesus tells his disciples not to be afraid so often (Matt. 10:31, Matt. 14:27, Luke 5:10, Mark 5:36, John 14:27). I am not to fear. He has conquered the evil one of this world. He has promised me that I won't follow after darkness if I belong to Jesus. I will run from all strangers and I will only follow His voice.

The next step is to just trust.