Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:13-14

Dear Heavenly Father,
Help me to make this true in what I do and in my attitude.
In Jesus name,
Amen.

Driving to work or teacher training, I'm usually listening to R.C. Sproul, Ravi Zacharius, or John Piper preach at me through my iPod. I had to teach two blocks the other morning for my first observation and wanted to keep my lesson in my head; so instead I listened to some music, quietly playing so I could go over my lesson out loud in the car. I must be quite the site for those who drive next to me.

Anyhow, Ode to a Friend by Jann Arden just happened to come on in the shuffle. I just started to weep; I couldn't stop. There are only a few songs out there that will remind me of Sandra, this is one of them. I said these very words to her in my heart and hopefully somewhere in there I said them out loud to her. She is with Jesus and I envy that. I don't wish her back here; except I do. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense... it will be a sweet pleasure of heaven to see her again.

Here's the lyrics with my own words thrown in. I wish I new how to embed the song onto my blog.

I don't mind if you stay longer
It was never long enough
You have not been any trouble
She brought out the server in me
I don't want you to go home yet
I don't want you to go to your eternal home yet
can you stay just stay ten more minutes
can you stay just stay ten more years...

You are my best friend
Always
I don't know how I'd live
I don't know how I'm living sometimes
How I love you
every square inch
Love your brown eyes
your forgiveness
yeah...

Don't go home now
Don't take her yet Lord...
It's past midnight
Our greatest chats were just past midnight
You can sleep here
we'll have breakfast
Yes
I woke her up trembling one morning... will she get up?

You are my greatest gift
A gift from Jesus to all who knew her
I don't know how I'd live
I'm living and so is she...
You are my saving grace
You are by heart my true friend
Sisters joined not by blood but by the Spirit


Steve Bell has a song that washed over me, reminding me of worshiping alongside Sandra when she was here with us. Once at one of our yearly weekend retreats, we built an altar from the rocks by the river. It was really more a pile of rocks, but we tried. We built it to mark our time together in prayer and to leave something solid as a reminder and in honour of God's faithfulness to us. I heard Here by the Water on the sample CD that the church gave out before his concert and cried. At the concert, he sang the song and for some reason it surprised me; I had forgotten about it. So, there I sat; tears streaming down my face, loving the song. Sandra would love to sing it in praise to our God. Maybe we will someday...

Soft field of clover
Moon shining over the valley
Joining the song of the river
To the great giver of the great good
(the good news - the gospel!)

As it unfolds me
Somehow it holds me together
And I realize I've been singing
Still it comes ringing clearer than clear

Here by the water
I'll build an altar to praise Him
Out of the stones that I found here
And I'll set them down here,
Rough as they are

Knowing you can make them holy
Knowing you can make them holy
Knowing you can make them holy...

There's more to the song, but this is the part I like; Sandra would too.

Behold, now is the favorable time; behold, now is the day of salvation. We put no obstacle in anyone’s way, so that no fault may be found with our ministry, but as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: by great endurance, in afflictions, hardships, calamities, beatings, imprisonments, riots, labors, sleepless nights, hunger; by purity, knowledge, patience, kindness, the Holy Spirit, genuine love; by truthful speech, and the power of God; with the weapons of righteousness for the right hand and for the left; through honor and dishonor, through slander and praise. We are treated as impostors, and yet are true; as unknown, and yet well known; as dying, and behold, we live; as punished, and yet not killed; as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, yet possessing everything.
2 Corinthians 6:2b-10

sorrowful yet always rejoicing... so may it be with us.

I have blotted out your transgressions like a cloud
and your sins like mist;
return to me, for I have redeemed you.

Sing, O heavens, for the LORD has done it;
shout, O depths of the earth;
break forth into singing, O mountains,
O forest, and every tree in it!
For the LORD has redeemed Jacob,
and will be glorified in Israel.
Isaiah 44:22-23

I love the extention of this promise to Israel to the ends of the earth, in chapter 45. Jesus blotted out our sin once and for all!

"Turn to me and be saved,
all the ends of the earth!
For I am God, and there is no other.
By myself I have sworn;
from my mouth has gone out in righteousness
a word that shall not return:
'To me every knee shall bow,
every tongue shall swear allegiance.'
Isaiah 45:22-23

Put me in remembrance; let us argue together;
set forth your case, that you may be proved right.
Isaiah 43:26

Against an almighty God, do we have any valid arguments?

He came as a witness, to bear witness about the light, that all might believe through him. He was not the light, but came to bear witness about the light.

"What do you say about yourself?" He said, "I am the voice of one crying out in the wilderness, 'Make straight the way of the Lord,' as the prophet Isaiah said."
John 1:7, 8, 22, 23

"He must increase, but I must decrease."
John 3:30

Oh, that I would be witness such as the man called John sent by God.

Dear Heavenly Father, may I not be so consumed with the things of this earth - worries about money, clothes, education and time - that I fail to see what you see. May I be the voice of one calling in the widerness of this place, pointing people to the Lamb of God, our saviour Jesus Christ. Remind me daily of your faithfulness and forgive me for my insolence. Restore my hope and renew my strength.
In Jesus name, Amen.

Since we are to...
Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

So then even in times of trouble, depression, and fear, we must give thanks; as part of our spiritual act of worship.

"The one who offers thanksgiving as his sacrifice glorifies me;
to one who orders his way rightly
I will show the salvation of God!"
Psalm 50:23

Thanksgiving...

Oh give thanks to the LORD; call upon his name;
make known his deeds among the peoples!
2Sing to him, sing praises to him;
tell of all his wondrous works!
3Glory in his holy name;
let the hearts of those who seek the LORD rejoice!
4Seek the LORD and his strength;
seek his presence continually!
5Remember the wondrous works that he has done,
his miracles, and the judgments he uttered,
6O offspring of Abraham, his servant,
children of Jacob, his chosen ones!
7He is the LORD our God;
his judgments are in all the earth.
Psalm 105

Vindicate me, O God, and defend my cause
against an ungodly people,
from the deceitful and unjust man
deliver me!
2For you are the God in whom I take refuge;
why have you rejected me?
Why do I go about mourning
because of the oppression of the enemy?
3 Send out your light and your truth;
let them lead me;
let them bring me to your holy hill
and to your dwelling!
4Then I will go to the altar of God,
to God my exceeding joy,
and I will praise you with the lyre,
O God, my God.

5 Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.
Psalm 43

Lost!
Coldplay

Just because I’m losing
Doesn’t mean I’m lost
Doesn’t mean I’ll stop
Doesn’t mean I won't cross

Just because I’m hurting
Doesn’t mean I’m hurt
Doesn’t mean I didn’t get
What I deserved
No better and no worse

I just got lost
Every river that I tried to cross
Every door I ever tried was locked
Ohhh, and I’m…
Just waiting ’til the shine wears off

You might be a big fish
In a little pond
Doesn’t mean you’ve won
‘Cause along may come
A bigger one

And you’ll be lost
Every river that you tried to cross
Every gun you ever held went off
Ohhh, and I’m…
Just waiting until the firing stopped
Ohhh, and I’m…
Just waiting ’til the shine wears off

Ohhh, and I…
Just waiting ’til the shine wears off
Ohhh, and I..
Just waiting ’til the shine wears off

4The weak you have not strengthened, the sick you have not healed, the injured you have not bound up, the strayed you have not brought back, the lost you have not sought, and with force and harshness you have ruled them. 5 So they were scattered, because there was no shepherd, and they became food for all the wild beasts. 6My sheep were scattered; they wandered over all the mountains and on every high hill. My sheep were scattered over all the face of the earth, with none to search or seek for them.
7"Therefore, you shepherds, hear the word of the LORD:
10Thus says the Lord GOD, Behold, I am against the shepherds, and I will require my sheep at their hand and put a stop to their feeding the sheep. No longer shall the shepherds feed themselves. I will rescue my sheep from their mouths, that they may not be food for them.
"For thus says the Lord GOD: Behold, I, I myself will search for my sheep and will seek them out. 12As a shepherd seeks out his flock when he is among his sheep that have been scattered, so will I seek out my sheep, and I will rescue them from all places where they have been scattered on a day of clouds and thick darkness.
I myself will be the shepherd of my sheep, and I myself will make them lie down, declares the Lord GOD. 16 I will seek the lost, and I will bring back the strayed, and I will bind up the injured, and I will strengthen the weak, and the fat and the strong I will destroy. I will feed them in justice.
Ezekial 34 (ESV)

7So Jesus again said to them, "Truly, truly, I say to you, I am the door of the sheep. 8All who came before me are thieves and robbers, but the sheep did not listen to them. 9I am the door. If anyone enters by me, he will be saved and will go in and out and find pasture. 10The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. 11 I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. 12He who is a hired hand and not a shepherd, who does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and flees, and the wolf snatches them and scatters them. 13He flees because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep. 14 I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, 15 just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep. 16And I have other sheep that are not of this fold. I must bring them also, and they will listen to my voice. So there will be one flock, one shepherd.
For this reason the Father loves me, because I lay down my life that I may take it up again. 18 No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down, and I have authority to take it up again. This charge I have received from my Father."
John 10 (ESV)

Are you losing or are you lost?

New Beginnings

September always seems like the beginning of a new year for me and I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels that way.

I'm going back to school. Teacher training, with three children in school. My children are starting new things too; first time ever in before and after school care so I can be at school; first time I'll be busy with more than just them, the house, and their father. I'm going back to school without the support of my husband; not financially or emotionally. He doesn't want me to go. But I am going ahead anyway, and it's right, and it's good.

Fresh and new is such a great feeling; but change can also bring anxiety and stress. I need to spend extra time in prayer and studying the word to ensure that my eyes are open to what Jesus has in store in the midst of all that is going on. I want to see with His eyes so that my worry disappears. I need to be filled with the Holy Spirit so that I can walk in His strength.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:4-7

Jesus says;
"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."
"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."
Matthew 6:25-34

For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.
Romans 14:17

Jesus also says;
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."
John 14:27

"Strengthen the weak hands,
and make firm the feeble knees.
Say to those who have an anxious heart,
"Be strong; fear not!
Behold, your God
will come with vengeance,
with the recompense of God.
He will come and save you."
Isaiah 35:3-4

Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed.
Hebrews 12:12-13

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.
Romans 5:1-6

I misplaced my Bible. I have others here at home, but the one I'm missing is my only ESV translation and has all my recent meanderings marked. It is lovingly autographed by my friend Sandra who gave it to me. I went nuts yesturday looking for it. I think I left it in the pew at church... but this thought didn't come to me until 11pm.

"Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly..." Colossians 3:16. It's in me, I just want it back in my hands.

A Psalm for this time and season...

The LORD Is My Light and My Salvation
Of David.
The LORD is my light and my salvation;
whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life;
of whom shall I be afraid?
When evildoers assail me
to eat up my flesh,
my adversaries and foes,
it is they who stumble and fall.

Though an army encamp against me,
my heart shall not fear;
though war arise against me,
yet I will be confident.

One thing have I asked of the LORD,
that will I seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to inquire in his temple.

For he will hide me in his shelter
in the day of trouble;
he will conceal me under the cover of his tent;
he will lift me high upon a rock.

And now my head shall be lifted up
above my enemies all around me,
and I will offer in his tent
sacrifices with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make melody to the LORD.

Hear, O LORD, when I cry aloud;
be gracious to me and answer me!
You have said, "Seek my face."My heart says to you,
"Your face, LORD, do I seek."

Hide not your face from me.
Turn not your servant away in anger,
O you who have been my help.
Cast me not off; forsake me not,
O God of my salvation!
For my father and my mother have forsaken me,
but the LORD will take me in.

Teach me your way, O LORD,
and lead me on a level path
because of my enemies.
Give me not up to the will of my adversaries;
for false witnesses have risen against me,
and they breathe out violence.

I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living!
Wait for the LORD;
be strong, and let your heart take courage;
wait for the LORD!
Psalm 27

"If you are following Jesus, if you've committed your life to the Lord Jesus Christ, he may discipline you - with a purpose - but he is not punishing you.

The follower of Jesus does not have a burden of guilt wondering 'What did I do wrong?' There is no karma in the Christian life. What goes around doesn't come around to me; it comes around to the cross and stops there. If I confess my sin and forsake my sin, it stops at the cross.

It doesn't mean I never have trouble it means I never have punishment."

Ted Klassen "Hope When It's Hopeless" Culloden Church 2008

Habakkuk 3:17-19
Though the fig tree should not blossom,
nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
and there be no herd in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
God, the Lord, is my strength;
he makes my feet like the deer’s;
he makes me tread on my high places.

"If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!"
Matthew 7:11 (ESV)

"If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"
Luke 11:13 (ESV)

... how much more... what a thing our Saviour said to us.

Ask and see how much more. I'm going to.

NANCY HECHE
the truth comes out
The Story of My Hearts Transformation
Read it!!

Nancy's story has something for everyone.

Blessing - from the book...

" That's me. That's me when I'm stuck in self pity and frustration I can see only the sting of the moment. I can't stand back far enough to get God's perspective,... I'm right in the middle of it, feeling hopeless and angry, not a plan in sight. " pp.132,133

" ... I know that He works together all of the things of my life to make me more like Jesus (Romans 8:28)...
It's not just that God waves a magic wand over my troubles and abracadabra! it's all better. It's God and Nancy working together. He does His work - holding, illuminating, guiding - and I do my work - praying, reading His Word, obeying - and I grow and heal and learn to wait and be patient, and then I become more like Jesus. " pp. 134

" It's not fair! Not fair? Leif Enger in his beautiful book Peace Like a River, writes, 'Fair is whatever God wants to do.'
" I cried and yelled and screamed at God and told Him I would not do this. Period. I would not do this. This is more than I can bear. Don't You get it? THIS IS MORE THAN I CAN BEAR.
Is this what I was being prepared for when I sang those songs and prayed those prayers about the fellowhip of Christ's sufferings? Did you take me at my word, really? I didn't mean it to happen this way... why me? " pp. 135

Acts 3:26
God, having raised up his servant, sent him to you first, to bless you by turning every one of you from your wickedness.

Read that verse again.

" God sent Jesus to bless me, and that blessing turned me from my wicked ways! I wondered if I had ever read that verse before. God's blessing is what turns me from my ways to His way. "

... I thought in my 'Christian' lingo, that blessing [her] would be the same as agreeing with [her]. I didn't agree with [her] position, but I loved [her] and longed to have a relationship with [her]. It was so hard. Most of the time I didn't know what to do or say.
... I confessed my hard heart and I blessed [her], and I blessed [her] friends. "
pp 138 ( []brackets mine)

" I believe that the Bible is a book of what God is doing, what is happening, not just what God did, or what happened hundreds of years ago. God did not speak in Bible times and then go mute! He is speaking things into existence all the time. "

" I learn what to expect today by reading what God did yesterday. It's very scientific, actually. If a scientist performs an experiment over and over and gets the same result each time, she can expect that the same things can and will happen each and every other time. "

" I got out my Greek lexicon to study the word 'blessing'. Here's what I read: to bless is to ask God to interfere, to take action in one's life, to bring them to the desired relationship with Himself so that they are truly blessed and fully satisfied. "

" To bless is to ask God to interfere, to take action in one's life, to bring them to the desired relationship with Himself. . . Do you get how powerful that is?
... blessing releases God's power to change the character and destiny of the one being blessed. WOW! "

" I wanted us to learn to bless each other,... with a knowing, informed, passionate, intentional "BLESS YOU!" We committed to blessing those who annoyed us in traffic, collegues who frustrated us at work, friends and family who hurt us at home. "

" God bless you. God bless me. " pp. 139,140

Seriously, read the book!

In Psalm 42 "...the psalmist preaches to his own soul. Verse 5: “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.” O how crucial this is in the fight of faith. We must learn to preach the truth to ourselves. Listen to Lloyd-Jones take hold of this verse:

Have you realized that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself? Take those thoughts that come to you the moment you wake up in the morning. You have not originated them but they are talking to you, they bring back the problems of yesterday, etc. Somebody is talking. Who is talking to you? Your self is talking to you. Now this man’s treatment [in Psalm 42] was this: instead of allowing this self to talk to him, he starts talking to himself. “Why art thou cast down, O my soul?” he asks. His soul had been depressing him, crushing him. So he stands up and says,: “Self, listen for moment, I will speak to you.” (Spiritual Depression, 20-21)

On this side of the cross, we know the greatest ground for our hope: Jesus Christ crucified for our sins and triumphant over death. So the main thing we must learn is to preach the gospel to ourselves:

Listen, self: If God is for you, who can be against you? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for you, how will he not also with him graciously give you all things? Who shall bring any charge against you as God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for you. Who shall separate you from the love of Christ? (Romans 8:31–35 paraphrased)

Learn to preach the gospel to yourself. If this psalmist were living after Christ, that is what he would have done. "

John Piper, June 1, 2008. Spiritual Depression in the Psalms

A REAL CHRISTIAN IS AN ODD NUMBER, ANYWAY.
HE FEELS SUPREME LOVE FOR ONE WHOM HE HAS NEVER SEEN;
TALKS FAMILIARLY EVERY DAY TO SOMEONE HE CANNOT SEE;
EXPECTS TO GO TO HEAVEN ON THE VIRTUE OF ANOTHER;
EMPTIES HIMSELF IN ORDER TO BE FULL;
ADMITS HE IS WRONG SO HE CAN BE DECLARED RIGHT;
GOES DOWN IN ORDER TO GET UP;
IS STRONGEST WHEN HE IS WEAKEST;
RICHEST WHEN HE IS POOREST AND HAPPIEST WHEN HE FEELS THE WORST.
HE DIES SO HE CAN LIVE; FORSAKES IN ORDER TO HAVE;
GIVES AWAY SO HE CAN KEEP;
SEES THE INVISIBLE;
HEARS THE INAUDIBLE;
AND KNOWS THAT WHICH PASSETH KNOWLEDGE.

A. W. TOZER

I said in my heart, "Come now, I will test you with pleasure; enjoy yourself." But behold, this also was vanity. I said of laughter, "It is mad," and of pleasure, "What use is it?" I searched with my heart how to cheer my body with wine—my heart still guiding me with wisdom—and how to lay hold on folly, till I might see what was good for the children of man to do under heaven during the few days of their life.
Ecclesiastes 2:1-3

There is nothing better for a person than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil. This also, I saw, is from the hand of God, for apart from him who can eat or who can have enjoyment? For to the one who pleases him God has given wisdom and knowledge and joy, but to the sinner he has given the business of gathering and collecting, only to give to one who pleases God. This also is vanity and a striving after wind.
Ecclesiastes 2:24-26

Whoever loves pleasure will be a poor man; he who loves wine and oil will not be rich.
Proverbs 21:17

... the LORD takes pleasure in those who fear him, in those who hope in his steadfast love.
Psalm 147:11

You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
Psalam 16:11

I'm considering these passages in light of the pursuit of happiness. It is in accordance with God's good pleasure to adopt us as his children through Jesus Christ and to make known to us the mystery of his will (Ephesians 1:5,9). God works in us for his good pleasure (Phillippians 2:13). Jesus promises life "to the full" (John 10:10) and he prays that we would experience the full measure of His joy (John 17:13). We have the fullness of his grace; experiencing one blessing after another (John 1:16).

Life needs to be redefined by these things. Even in light of our troubles. We must recognize that they are momentary and fleeting (2 Corinthians 4:17). I'm not making nothing of your pain, suffering, struggle, sin, or fear. We're merely stuck in a moment; this time is passing. The urgency to understand the grace you are being offered is even more pressing when you consider this.

If I could for just a moment, let out the breathe that I hold inside.

U2 - One Step Closer
I'm 'round the corner from anything that's real
I'm across the road from hope
I'm under a bridge in a rip tide
That's taken everything I call my own

One step closer to knowing
One step closer to knowing

I'm on an island at a busy intersection
I can't go forward, I can't turn back
Can't see the future
It's getting away from me
I just watch the tail lights glowing

(chorus)
One step closer to knowing
One step closer to knowing
One step closer to knowing
Knowing, knowing

I'm hanging out to dry
With my old clothes
Finger still red with the prick of an old rose
Well the heart that hurts
Is a heart that beats
Can you hear the drummer slowing?
(chorus)

Romans 8:25
But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

James 5:7-8
Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains. You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand.

Psalm 40:1-3
I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.

Knowing my joy...
"... for the joy of the LORD is your strength." Nehemiah 8:10

I believe it, yet today, I struggle to find it living itself out as I am full of grief.

Sandra... I know she is with Jesus. Satisfied. Full. In her new glorious body. Worshipping. Never lonely again. No longer in pain. No more cancer. Just Jesus, all the time.

I will miss her. It will seem like such a long wait for me, but like nothing to her. I have loved her. She lifted me up. She took care of my fragile heart. I don't know how I will manange, but I will. The same Jesus who she sees face to face will fill me up and place my feet, one in front of the other, every day.

These are two word pictures that Sandra gave me to describe her faith and the transformation of her husband. I wrote this with her two years ago... soak it in.

The River
They feast on the abundance of your house;
you give them drink from your river of delights.
For with you is the fountain of life;
in your light we see light.
Psalm 36:8-9

Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb down the middle of the great street of the city. On each side of the river stood the tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, yielding its fruit every month. And the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations.
Revelation 22:1-2

He believed
He was at one time standing on the shore;
Watching the River rush by;
Watching his wife drink in her God and savoir.
He stepped in to the family of God.
Getting his feet wet at a few church services.
Feeling bolder or maybe seeking more –
Eventually he was knee deep in the River;
Attending bible study, participating in God’s family, absorbing the love and acceptance.
He learned, got answers to questions, and embraced the scriptures as truth;
All the while watching his wife drinking it all in.
He was in the river, but he wasn’t drinking.
Soon, he could barely keep his head above the water;
As the waves of God’s love and Jesus’ power became intoxicating.
Yet, he kept his head up,
Not leaping in to drink in the Spirit.
“What’s holding you back? I know you believe!”
She was the Spirits speaker;
Jesus literally using her, their pastor, and a marriage conference to pour his water over him.
“You can’t stand in this River forever. If you don’t drink, you’ll die of dehydration.” She said.
Walking the ‘Christian’ walk is too difficult, too impossible, without Jesus in you.
His stumbling block; a fear of hypocrisy.
Hypocrisy is not the sinner repenting.
Hypocrisy is the good man claiming righteousness all on his own.
With his one stumbling block all but blown away – the damn of resistance was gone.
The River flooded in,
And he drank.

With joy you will draw water
from the wells of salvation.
Isaiah 12:3

Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, "If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him."
John 7:37-38

The Cup
For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.
2 Corinthians 5:4-5

We don’t come to Jesus clean and polished up.
We bring him our muddied lives.
We are like a cup of black ink.
As Jesus fills you with the living water of the Holy Spirit;
The blackness begins to fade as the ink is saturated with the word, teaching, fellowship songs, worship, and Jesus himself.
Your sins no longer written across a heart of stone in black ink,
But washed away with the Spirit of the living God.
We are continually being filled and transformed into a vessel of pure clear life.
Upon that day, when all the ink is gone, we are in paradise.

You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.
2 Corinthians 3:3

Broken
I am broken...



I sought relief in the Word.

Your word is a lamp to my feet
and a light to my path.
Psalm 119:105

'I am the LORD, and I will bring you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians, and I will deliver you from slavery to them, and I will redeem you with an outstretched arm and with great acts of judgment. I will take you to be my people, and I will be your God, and you shall know that I am the LORD your God, who has brought you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians. I will bring you into the land that I swore to give to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob. I will give it to you for a possession. I am the LORD.'" Moses spoke thus to the people of Israel, but they did not listen to Moses, because of their broken spirit and harsh slavery.
Exodus 6:6-9

And I will walk among you and will be your God, and you shall be my people. I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, that you should not be their slaves. And I have broken the bars of your yoke and made you walk erect.
Leviticus 26:12-13

"My spirit is broken; my days are extinct;
the graveyard is ready for me.
Surely there are mockers about me,
and my eye dwells on their provocation.
... My days are past; my plans are broken off,
the desires of my heart.
Job 17:1-2, 11

All this has come upon us,
though we have not forgotten you,
and we have not been false to your covenant.
Our heart has not turned back,
nor have our steps departed from your way;
yet you have broken us in the place of jackals
and covered us with the shadow of death.
If we had forgotten the name of our God
or spread out our hands to a foreign god,
would not God discover this?
For he knows the secrets of the heart.
Yet for your sake we are killed all the day long;
we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.

Awake! Why are you sleeping, O Lord?
Rouse yourself! Do not reject us forever!
Why do you hide your face?
Why do you forget our affliction and oppression?
For our soul is bowed down to the dust;
our belly clings to the ground.
Rise up; come to our help!
Redeem us for the sake of your steadfast love!
Psalm 44:17-26

Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones that you have broken rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins,
and blot out all my iniquities.
... The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
Psalm 51:7-9, 17

He has broken my strength in midcourse;
he has shortened my days.
"O my God," I say, "take me not away
in the midst of my days—
you whose years endure
throughout all generations!"
Psalm 102:23-24

When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears
and delivers them out of all their troubles.
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit.
Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
but the LORD delivers him out of them all.
Psalm 34:17-19

Of old you laid the foundation of the earth,
and the heavens are the work of your hands.
They will perish, but you will remain;
they will all wear out like a garment.
You will change them like a robe, and they will pass away,
but you are the same, and your years have no end.
The children of your servants shall dwell secure;
their offspring shall be established before you.
Psalm 102:25-28

The LORD builds up Jerusalem;
he gathers the outcasts of Israel.
He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.
He determines the number of the stars;
he gives to all of them their names.
Psalm 147:2-4

But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility by abolishing the law of commandments expressed in ordinances, that he might create in himself one new man in place of the two, so making peace, and might reconcile us both to God in one body through the cross, thereby killing the hostility.
Ephesians 2:13-16

But if some of the branches were broken off, and you, although a wild olive shoot, were grafted in among the others and now share in the nourishing root of the olive tree, do not be arrogant toward the branches. If you are, remember it is not you who support the root, but the root that supports you. Then you will say, "Branches were broken off so that I might be grafted in." That is true. They were broken off because of their unbelief, but you stand fast through faith. So do not become proud, but fear. For if God did not spare the natural branches, neither will he spare you. Note then the kindness and the severity of God: severity toward those who have fallen, but God’s kindness to you, provided you continue in his kindness. Otherwise you too will be cut off.
Romans 11:17-22