“Fear not, for you will not be ashamed;
be not confounded, for you will not be disgraced;
for you will forget the shame of your youth,
and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more.
5 For your Maker is your husband,
the Lord of hosts is his name;
and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer,
the God of the whole earth he is called.
6 For the Lord has called you
like a wife deserted and grieved in spirit,
like a wife of youth when she is cast off,
says your God.
7 For a brief moment I deserted you,
but with great compassion I will gather you.
8 In overflowing anger for a moment
I hid my face from you,
but with everlasting love I will have compassion on you,”
says the Lord, your Redeemer.
Isaiah 54:4-8
In my Bible this passage has dates beside it; 2010, 2014... and verse 6 is heavily underlined '... like a wife deserted and grieved in spirit...' I checked an older Bible of mine, and the dates go back even further 2001, 2004, and so on. I lived in a spiritual desert for more than twenty years. My Father in heaven was so dear to me, he kept me and grew me. I was given purposes in my children, in my work, in friendships, and in leadership. His compassion on me was that He did not leave me to walk through that desert alone; I was surrounded by the church and my family. Yet, the spiritual burden still felt heavy, it became my cross to bear. It felt as if I had to be a spiritual giant; even once my marriage ended, I have still carried this burden of spiritually leading and guiding my family. It's not been easy and I honestly never wanted the job all alone. I work so much better in tandem with someone else. I was never meant to be alone in leadership. Even in my work and coaching life, I have done so much better with strong, wise, willing partners who support me, whom I support; and we carry the load and work together.
God made me to be an encouraging partner that will work along side and lift up strong leaders who recognize they need a solid supporter. I don't come across that way I guess. I'm too strong maybe or too opinionated; but I will follow and support you when you prove to be someone of substance and character. I will follow someone who recognizes my wisdom and gifts; someone who puts me in their place and trusts I'll do it well when they can't; someone who listens to what I say, seeks my perspective, and allows me to be in charge of what they are not as capable of doing as well as myself. I want to do the same thing for others. I have worked with, taught with, coached with, and been friends with people that have been that in my life. It was always like an oasis of beauty; of how it can be when mutual respect is given.
Seeking a new partner in life, a new husband, has included that I need someone with whom I can trust, someone who I can follow and walk beside without fear. I am overwhelmed with the gift of God in the man that He has given to me. I'm not sure I can describe the spiritual relief that is starting to rise in my soul. My cross to bear... I think I can lay it down. I never imagined that I would be able to lay it down until I was with Jesus in paradise. I have tested him... yeah, I have. I have found ways to see if he relies on Jesus or if it's just words. I have heard his testimony, his ideas about spiritual issues, his struggles with his own past marital desert; I have pushed on topics and he's responded with scripture and gentle wisdom. He has pointed me back to prayer, God's word, the power of the Holy Spirit, and involvement in my church. He has sought my perspective and listened to my thoughts, considering what I say. He has prayed with me... prayers that are full of what God would have him say. His words are often soaked in scripture. He leads his children. He makes all decisions with prayer and sleep... which I think is pretty important; don't be too hasty - like I tend to be. He has calmed me with his trust in God's plan when I express doubt or fear. I have tested him... even when I didn't intend to.
This morning I called because I was frustrated with myself. I miss him and had a restless night, waking up repeatedly longing for him to be here. I had little to say in my own prayers for some semblance of self control and peace. Then Jesus said, 'call him to help you'. I did and I prayed, but it was short as I had no words; my emotions were taking over and I could hardly keep from crying. So, when my weak prayer ended, I asked him to pray for me. It was amazing. I couldn't have prayed for myself the way he prayed and lifted me up, lifted us both up. He is my partner. He is the relief in a spiritual desert; the oasis from God until I am home.
Thank you Jesus!
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