To begin Advent this year I've been thinking about the gospel.

One phrase that keeps repeating itself over and over in my mind came from the mouth of R.C. Sproul; the gospel isn't your personal testimony. With that in mind, this Christmas I am going to look into what it really is.

What is the good news?

Romans 1:1-6 will be my guiding text as I search the scripture for the message of the 'gospel of God'.

"Paul, a servant of Christ Jesus, called to be an apostle, set apart for the gospel of God, which he promised beforehand through his prophets in the holy Scriptures, concerning his Son, who was descended from David according to the flesh and was declared to be the Son of God in power according to the Spirit of holiness by his resurrection from the dead, Jesus Christ our Lord, through whom we have received grace and apostleship to bring about the obedience of faith for the sake of his name among all the nations, including you who are called to belong to Jesus Christ"

Proverbs 2:6-11
For the LORD gives wisdom;
from his mouth come knowledge and understanding;
he stores up sound wisdom for the upright;
he is a shield to those who walk in integrity,
guarding the paths of justice
and watching over the way of his saints.
Then you will understand righteousness and justice
and equity, every good path;
for wisdom will come into your heart,
and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul;
discretion will watch over you,
understanding will guard you

Taken from the Desiring God Blog

The radical claim of the Bible is that wisdom isn't first a book, or a system, or a set of commands or principles. No, wisdom is a person, and his name is Jesus Christ. When you and I are graced into acceptance with him, we're drawn into a personal relationship with Wisdom, and Wisdom begins a lifelong process of freeing us from the stronghold that the foolishness of sin has on us. We aren't yet completely free, but there will be a day when our every thought, desire, choice, action, and word will be fundamentally wise!

It makes such sense then, that a repentant man (David) would reflect on his need for wisdom. Sin, in reducing us to fools, causes us to do foolish things, even though we think we're wise. And for this we need more than information, education, and experience. We need exactly what we find in Christ—grace.

Wisdom is the product of grace; there is simply nowhere else it can be found.

I think I've used this song by U2 before. Again, it is a perfect description of where I am at on this journey.

One Step Closer u2
I'm 'round the corner from anything that's real
I'm across the road from hope
I'm under a bridge in a rip tide
That's taken everything I call my own

One step closer to knowing
Knowing, knowing

I'm on an island at a busy intersection
I can't go forward, I can't turn back
Can't see the future
It's getting away from me
I just watch the tail lights glowing

One step closer to knowing
Knowing, knowing

I'm hanging out to dry
With my old clothes
Finger still red with the prick of an old rose
Well the heart that hurts
Is a heart that beats
Can you hear the drummer slowing?

One step closer to knowing
To knowing, to knowing, to knowing

These words haunt me because I wish I knew what I was closer to knowing.

Blessed be the name of the Lord
In good and bad times
He gives and takes away
He does what seems good to Him
He is faithful, loving , and gracious
It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the Lord
He sees our sins ever before him
Yet with Jesus standing for us, will remember them no more
We are saved by faith alone
Our God saves
The cross is salvation from sin
The cross spells victory for us
Victory for eternity
Victory now... ?
Does his healing and saving make a difference now?
Marriages struggle and fail
Violence, greed, perversion, cruelty, and indifference
Found even among the called
How can it be?
Sinners we still are; our nature against the Spirit within
Resurrection power
Call out for it
May it be as it should be within my soul
I am dead
We are dead
Resurrection power
Make me alive
May I see victory...
even now

12 Steps for the Recovering Pharisee (like me)
by John Fischer

The recovering Pharisee's creed

Or, for those of you who don't speak Christianees

The recovering Judgmental Self-Righteous Person's creed
There's no real way to shorten that.

When I speak of sin, I will no longer talk of it as something in my distant past. When I speak of forgiveness, I will not speak of it as something I received years ago when I became a Christian. I will speak of the sin and forgiveness I experienced today - that I am experiencing right now - that enable me to be human and real and truthful with who I am and who I am becoming. And when conversation turns to talk of sinners, I will realize that the conversation is really about me. I will always know that I am the worst of sinners. I put Jesus on the cross; my sin nailed him there. And if I ever catch myself thinking that there exists, somewhere in the world, a worse sinner than I, regardless of the gravity of the crime, it is at that point that I have stepped over the pharisaical line and am speaking about something of which I know nothing. When it comes to sin, I can only speak of myself with absolute certainty, and in regard to myself and sin, I am certain of this: that I am an expert in both my sin and my forgiveness. One brings me sorrow; the other brings me great joy. The remarkable thing is not that I sin, but that, in spite of my sin, I am capable of having fellowship with God and being used by him for his purposes in the world.
"So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall!" 1 Corinthians 10:12

Taken from;
12 Steps for the Recovering Pharisee (like me)
Finding Grace to Live Unmasked
by John Fischer
pp101-102

I'm feeling stressed about finding a job; how to go about it; am I working hard enough at it; which direction to go; what is the best plan of action; public or private; coaching or not; and worst of all I feel so much guilt.

I don't get it. I have so much guilt about this whole process. I feel guilty for having gone to school and then not finding a job immediately. I feel guilt for seeking work and still not finding any; I mean am I looking hard enough? I feel like I've abandoned my own beliefs and principles by seeking work in the private and independent sector (I never believed in sending my own kids to private or Christian schools, but that's the only place I can find any work. Not only that - I like the environment at these schools. My whole mind-set has been changed in the past year). Not being able to get hired in the school district in which I graduated makes me feel guilty for some odd reason. I feel like a complete joke because I can not break down the public sector brick wall. And this one really gets to me; I feel guilty for using contacts, dropping names, and saying I'll do things like coaching when I don't even know if I want to or can for that matter. I would love to coach... but I feel guilty that I would love to coach. I feel like this whole thing is just one huge ego trip and I'm going to go no where with it because God is not into my ego.


I've said it. This is my biggest fear and doubt about the journey I've been on for the past two and a half years. I was convinced to pursue my certification was the right thing; I was sure that the LORD was putting me on the path ahead. I can still see what God was doing and recall all the confirmations during my year at school. I can see that the Lord has been our provider; Jehovah Jireh. However, the price I've had to pay has been huge; my whole family has had to pay a price. On my good days I feel confident that God was and is at work in it all and that my family and my marriage show the benefits of the road that we are still on. On an average day I'm frustrated and tired of the continual uncertainty. On a bad day, I fall to the ground in despair and feel that I have been duped by my own arrogance that I could change my situation and pursue a career. It seems as if it is all hubris.

I wanted to get a job and just be anonymous; just be another teacher on the list. I really did. If you know me, this may surprise you. I really don't want the pressure of my reputation from days of old glory or thoughts of who my father was as a teacher or even current notions of my supposed ability to teach. I don't want to have to live up to some legend of who someone has turned me into just so I could get on the coveted teacher-on-call list. I wanted to show up for work without any pressure to be something. What I mean is, I didn't want administrators and other teachers expecting something special because I was on the scene. Now it seems that the only way to get a job is to somehow put out there that I bring something that no one else can; that I can take on that basketball team and make it something no one ever imagined; that I can re-vamp the way Social Studies is taught and change the failure rate among grade ten students; I will bring best practice back to Physical Education; I will help the student who is being left behind because I have that special blend of 'cool' and authority wrapped into one; I am the teenage whisperer.

Whatever.

I just wanted a job I was trained to do, a job that I would enjoy, that had decent hours that fit my still growing family, to get paid a good wage, have access to a benefits package and begin putting in my time for a pension. Yet for some reason I feel as if I'm seeking the glory. The glory of what? I'm just teaching high school Gym and Social Studies. Everybody hates those classes.

It was simply too much to expect. Today is a bad day in the midst of a busy six day work streak that will end abruptly and not be picked up again for possibly a month. I don't want to spend another year being on call. It is mind numbing work that makes you not want to teach. It does have it's bright moments. I should stop complaining.

I am currently being told by two districts that interviews for teacher-on-call positions are imminent and that they are mere formalities to being hired. But have no interview date and have not heard from either district in more than a week. In my job search, I am learning that this is part of the dance. They promise, they talk, and then they drop the ball. I pester and pester and pester some more; and a year has gone by.

I usually end these posts with some words of wisdom from the good Book. I don't feel like it... I'm not at peace nor do I feel that my venting has produced any greater understanding or acceptance of my situation. Yet, here I go; this one was in a card from a friend and it may as well be what I end with.

"May the Lord... give you His peace no matter what happens." 2 Thessalonians 3:16 NLT
(I didn't use the ESV because this translation is exactly how I would say it.)

The above verse is a little more comforting as it asks that God's peace be given to you irregardless of what else happens. It's a softer sentiment than;

"May the LORD do what seems good to him." 2 Samuel 10:12

Whether you gain peace from that or not I suppose doesn't matter. I really am not in a good mood.