I am living a life that is in transit. I move back and forth between lives it seems. I have moved from the first half of life, onto the second, and I’m transitioning to the third.
The first half of life has seemingly gone far away. I moved from a wonderful childhood and tremendously hopeful youth, to a disappointing young adult, and into a difficult marriage. I had joys and sorrows along that road which are still apart of me now. I am glad that I have memories that are untainted by abuse and that the good relationships in my life have remained. God was good to me even when I was not following, when I was in a difficult place, and when he led me onto the next chapter.
This second chapter in my life is set in my old, familiar environment yet has new relationships, routines, and accessories. Born out of divorce, it has been difficult, healing, and fun. I have had new freedoms, experiences, and responsibilities along the way. I’m glad for the vision of my future that God placed there when it all began. He called me out in order to go; to go and be used. I knew that Jesus wanted me to go find a new place to spread my wings and set up roots, to start over. I didn’t know how it would look, where I would go, or what I would do, but I knew I would be going. While still in this second chapter, God has been able to use me despite my lack of focus and direction. There has been a lot of frivolous activity in these past few years. I’m so happy that God has used me where I am with my children, my co-workers, friends, family, and students. And they have all richly poured so much love and support into my life. That vision to go is now taking shape beyond this second chapter.
The third chapter in my life is set in the future, complete with an unfamiliar setting, new friends waiting to be made, new routines to set in motion, some exciting new thrills, and challenges that I know I'm not ready for. This is that which I have been moving toward and preparing for; it is the beginning of the call to go to a new place. But I find myself in a state of flux because I stand with one foot in chapter two, and one in chapter three. My future is here, but not yet. I cannot be fully in the new place, and I feel like it puts a strain on both places that I am in.
Have you read The Magicians Nephew by C.S. Lewis? Well, you should. It's the best book in the Chronicles of Narnia series. In the book, Lewis describes a wood between the many worlds that exist out there. The wood has small ponds that go on and on and on. It is a quiet place that has no sense of time and where nothing ever happens. It's important to not get stuck there. By jumping into a pond, you enter a different world. I have to say, that going from chapter two to chapter three over and over again, makes the wood seem like it would be a great place to take a rest. Sometimes, my interludes with my husband are like that; we escape from his world and mine, our kids and jobs, and the worries are left behind. That place, wherever it ends up being, is like the wood between the worlds. But, we can't stay there. We would get too sleepy and relaxed which would mean we were unable to meet the challenges of the worlds we both must choose to jump back into. And so, we arouse from the rest and choose a pond. Sometimes he jumps into my pond, chapter two. Sometimes, I jump into his pond, chapter three. We have one more year of standing on the border, of going into the wood and jumping into the chapter two pond, coming out again into the wood, and jumping into the chapter three pond. Sometimes we each jump into our separate ponds. The distance at times feels like he's a world away from me. I imagine that when our life living together begins, we will jump into a completely different pond. Not my pond or his pond, but our pond. That's when chapter three will really begin. Or maybe it will be chapter four. Wow... I like that better. A whole new world, a new pond; chapter four.
Currently, I've just left the wood between the worlds and we are spending some time in the chapter three pond. It's pretty good. His pond is slow paced, quiet, and warm. Can't wait to shake this place up. Yeah, we're gonna need a whole new pond.
One more year.
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