Ladybugs

I mentioned this in writing my post about 'Insiders on the Outside'. I couldn't let it go... so you get to hear the story of the ladybugs.

It was back in 2006 I think. I could be wrong. I had made some amazing friends over the previous two years while leading women's Bible study. One I met through the Alpha course and she started to come to the study I led at church afterwards. Another was introduced to me by the first while on the playground watching our kids at school. That relationship had a rocky start. She too, began to attend the Bible study and changed the dynamic we had there forever. She challenged me and grew my ability to lead in ways I hadn't known it needed. The third, followed the river one day because God told her to, and showed up at church, then at my study. She followed me to my car one day and said that I needed to mentor her. It turns out I had more to learn from her than she from me. She became the heart of us. We were a fierce group of four. Bonded in our faith and prayer, nothing could break our friendship. Cancer took my soulmate, mentor, friend, and the heart of our group in 2008, but this story is about what happened before.

The four of us had decided to head out together for a women's weekend to get away from our families and responsibilities. We had a place that one of us found through friends that was by the Fraser river in a small community east of civilization; only a couple of hours away by car. The house was meant for retreat and solitude, so we were pumped. We packed up games, crafts, food, and lots of wine, and headed out to our destination. Even the drive out was amazing as we watched the mountains rise higher, the houses disappear, and the trees press in. Once we arrived we surveyed the property and walked through the house. Going upstairs we started to lay claim to what bedroom would be ours. It was a big three story house with six bedrooms, three bathrooms, a beautiful deck, and a warm and inviting main room that connected to the kitchen. I picked a room at the end of the hallway and went to drop off my suitcase and settle in a bit before we started lunch. But I was met with a surprise; the room was filled with ladybugs! They were all over the window sill, climbing the walls, and flying around occasionally. Everyone came in to see the sight. None of us had ever seen anything like it before! There were only four bedrooms upstairs, with the other two on the bottom floor.

I wasn't happy. I know that ladybugs are supposed to be good luck, but hundreds of them was not manageable. I couldn't sleep in there. By the way, I don't believe in that stuff at all. Life is not random and crossing paths with something that may or may not be good luck will not change the outcome of anything in my life. Anyway, we didn't know what to do about all of them and we weren't really sure how they got in there, so we just closed the door. I was the youngest of the group, and they always liked to play on that. Laughing, they banished me to the basement. I felt like I was going to be all alone in a place where I wanted to be surrounded by them. But I didn't want to be difficult or stupid about it either. We were grown women, it was no big deal. Downstairs, I had my own bathroom, it was cooler at night, and the bed was bigger and more comfortable than the one upstairs. So, I left the ladybugs to themselves. The ladybugs relegating me to the basement bedroom alone shaped the rest of the weekend for me, in a good way.

The rest of our retreat, they called me the ladybug woman. It was cute. I took it. I got over not being upstairs with them too. My separate dwelling downstairs became a little private personal retreat. I was being awakened by songs in my head and singing them out loud without worrying that I was disturbing anyone, and I could stay in the bathroom as long as I wanted. I felt like retiring downstairs at the end of the day gave me a place to process the days events, go over things that we talked about, internalizing the words of wisdom, putting to memory the good humour, and pondering the feelings of comfort. This retreat was in the midst of my abusive first marriage and the alone time was something I had needed but didn't realize. I like to think that the ladybugs being in that room played a roll in my awakening that weekend. It's like they hung over the whole place. Ladybugs are known to be natural enemies of many bugs that can ruin a garden. It's as if that weekend, they protected us from that which may have ruined our time together, not just for me, but for all of us. They were the protectors in the room upstairs. It sounds silly when I know I don't believe in that stuff... but it's grown on me over the years as the ladybug references pop up in my life. That weekend solidified our friendship. We played games, made memory books, drank too much wine, danced, laughed, hiked, prayed together, cried, made special meals, and spoke the unspeakable. It was cathartic, uniting, and fights back at despair even to this day. This was the first of several retreats with the four of us. We had one last retreat together before our heart died in 2008, but we haven't done it again. The memory of them and their healing nature binds the three of us together and always will.

I truly became the ladybug woman that following Christmas when I received a ladybug tree ornament from the heart of the group. I get ladybug gifts occasionally; from students, sisters, friends... and I always remember how it began that weekend on the river. To me, those ladybugs taking my room are a part of that weekend and our friendship. I am the ladybug woman and I'll protect what we have for all time; my prayers always for their good. Ladybugs remind me that I have Jesus who is standing guard over my friendship with them, ensuring that we are constantly at peace with one another. It is a symbol of how I want to be open and vulnerable to others so that new relationships can flourish and be protected. It is a reminder of the past and a portent for the future. If you see a ladybug, remember that you have a God who wants to protect you from that which would ruin your garden, and remember that your friends need you to be a ladybug woman for them.