One Year Married

One Year Married

you+me=one

you+me+jesus=unstoppable

I’ve been writing this for more than a month. I’ve added and changed things and thought about not writing it. But I must write. It is what I do.

Very early on in our communication over the phone and through text, Gene sent me this ‘phrase’ to describe us; you+me=one. We have both used it ever since. It’s on our wedding photo album and I sometimes sign off that way when saying goodbye. It’s our own personal hashtag; I know it doesn’t work because of the symbols, but I put it on my posts anyway. Gene then added the second ‘phrase’, you+me+jesus=unstoppable. As we face challenges this is going to be our moto. My partner, not my enemy, in the stuff that lies ahead.

Its been one year of married life. I’m sharing what I wrote for Gene, but only in part. I must save some things just for him.

It’s been a wonderful,

and lonely,

and exciting,

and difficult,

and sensual,

and revealing

first year of marriage.

I have grown to love my husband more than I did last year, and I miss him more and more when we are part.

I’m so glad we married a year ago on that beach in Cancun. How the plan came together was truly amazing. In the midst of doubts in the timing, God provided a way for us to commit to each other in a beautiful setting. Gene created a very memorable and wonderful wedding and honeymoon for me; I still feel blessed by him because of it. It was an amazing way to start our journey together! I feel like every sentence I just wrote should end in an exclamation point! But that would be silly. 😊

The sacrifice of living apart has been much harder than we thought. The weight of the burden of our long-distance marriage is heavier than we imagined. When a simple touch, kiss or hug would do the trick, we cannot rely on that. Our difficult conversations can’t end in the cleansing and healing of making love. Thankfully, it does have its up side. The excitement of our meetings and the adventures that we plan along the way, would not be there if we lived together.

God has been faithful in walking with us through this first year with answered prayers, financial provision, friendships and family relationships that are growing stronger, and our hearts and minds becoming one in vision and meeting each other’s needs. There are growing pains that don’t feel so good sometimes that can remind us of our past and cause inner turmoil. I have at times allowed fear to enter my mind about the future. Even in this, God is faithful! I am learning to trust Him and follow his leading in what I should talk about, what I can do to change, and what I should simply release into His hands. I’m thankful for my husband’s patience, new perspectives, and love. He has spoiled me in so many ways... I’m not worthy and can never repay him for all he’s done and is doing. Yet, he doesn’t hold that over my head and expects nothing in return.

On our wedding day, I gave Gene these verses from the Song of Songs 2:11-13;

 See! The winter is past;

    the rains are over and gone.

 Flowers appear on the earth;

    the season of singing has come,

the cooing of doves

    is heard in our land.

 The fig tree forms its early fruit;

    the blossoming vines spread their fragrance.

Arise, come, my darling;

    my beautiful one, come with me.”

To me, this describes our beginning. The winter of our lives, where our future lay dormant, developing in the refiner’s fire as He used our experiences, mistakes, and triumphs to shape us for each other, has past. The description of the blossoming of what is new is complete with all the senses; it reminds me that in each other we have a complete emotional, spiritual, physical, and mental connection. The call to ‘come with me’ at the end is Gene’s proposal to me! It’s a call from me to him as well; come with me into the future not knowing where we may go! As long as we go together, we will be blossoming, and winter will not come again.

I feel wiser this year and know that the seasons of our relationship may include times of refining. Even now, God is using our circumstances to grow us individually and as a couple. There is a part of me that doesn’t want this season to end. It is young and impulsive, fun and sexual, exciting and new, adventurous and fresh; I am enraptured by him, and I don’t want that to be stolen from me. It seems easy to be his wife. Yet, I don’t want to be complacent. I know that marriage is not easy and requires my care and attention. The hard work has already started, and it will take our whole lives and our greatest efforts at times to keep the flame burning between us.

This first year of marriage I have soaked up Gene’s attention and affection. I have leaned into how he spoils me, his words of adoration, and all that he does for me. I can’t seem to get enough. When I’m not with him, he fills me up with messages and gifts. I’ve never been treated so well. Going into our second year of marriage, I committed to studying him the way that he has me. That I would learn and internalize his rhythms and patterns, his likes and dislikes, his struggles and flaws, how he thinks and what he needs to function well. I committed to putting him first, before myself. I am fearful of admitting that I struggle with this; and even a little fearful of submitting to my marriage in this way. I will become more vulnerable, more exposed. The reward of increased intimacy and trust is what I strive for. I must not be terrified even of this. I pray, and I know he will, continue to be kind and gracious to me.

In our second year of marriage I gave my husband these verses from Song of Songs (2:16-17). It seems I’m stuck in the imagery of this book…

My beloved is mine and I am his;
    he browses among the lilies.
Until the day breaks
    and the shadows flee,
turn, my beloved,
    and be like a gazelle
or like a young stag
    on the rugged hills.

Our vows have been made and we belong to each other. In the Message translation of this text, it says ‘… nightly he strolls in our garden… delighting in the flowers.’ Although this has a definite sexual meaning, I think of our morning and evening video calls where we read the Bible together, talk, and pray, as well as the times that we walk together at the end of a day. Our garden isn’t bound by a place, it isn’t at a fixed address, it is where we are together; even if only through technology. Our delight in the flowers describes how we are both completely full of wonder for one another. The day is breaking, and the shadows of our past are fleeing one by one. The ESV says that the ‘day breathes’. I imagine that breathe is the day we are finally living together, united in space and time, and our garden finally finds a physical home base. But until that time, we must be like a gazelle and a young stag; we must continue to travel and conquer the hills, the challenges, that are a part of our long-distance marriage.

There is a song by Needtobreathe that I’ve had on repeat for a while and it reminds me of us… I’m so glad that we talk. We talk about everything. Our communication is the key to our intimacy; it really is. So… (I changed the words a little because it talks about a baby crying… which is not in our future together, or our past).

Darling, won't you talk with me

For a little while?

We ain't got nowhere to be

Oh and I've come so many miles

Darlin', won't you talk with me

For a little while?

Or at least until we close our eyes

Or we both fall asleep

Oh I've been gone for so long

I'm tired of seeing these things on my own

I don't wanna do this alone

I don't need New York or Paris or Rome

I don't wanna be on these screens

I don't care about all these places or things

I just wanna be there with you

The only thing that carries me through

Oh and I know it's hard to be home

Tryin' to take care of a house on your own

I know that I'm supposed to be gone

Well maybe that's true, but it feels like it's wrong

Oh, I spend all these nights alone

With friends and family that I've always known

I just wanna be there with you

The only one that carries me through.